time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 3

[phbear316]

I did speak with h on the laundry thing. H agreed, i said one slip and its done. so fare he has done two loads, because i have been doing something else. H agreed to do the laundry period, I said no that is not going to work for me.

I do not think he met her for lunch, h was at work, i saw on the caller id that he called me. I could be wrong, but h was also very hungry when he came home and wanted to eat. I took my time getting ready, made him wait like 40 minutes.

We did have a nice dinner, on the way back h was driving and looked at the local hotel, i thought for a moment i am not going to say this but i said oh what the heck, I turned to h and said, is that were you two go for your dates? cause every time you pass this hotel you look at it and smile a big smile. H said i do not, stop it. Oh ok no i said, you do next time i will take your picture with my phone. He says i have never been to that hotel, i always look at it when i drive by it. Right i said but the big smile on your face, means a whole lot more than just looking at a building. I see things i am not blind.

I really don't think he will miss me, I am not making excuses, he will not miss me, he wants me to disappear, so he won't feel guilty. out of sight means out of mind to h.

I have not told him I am going away, I may not tell him till the day before. He will not miss me while i am away.

I had a gift card for him, i will not give it to him, i will spend it on me.

If i make life for him so miserable for him at home, he will leave, and go to be with her anyway so am i not in a lose, lose situation. That is the way i see it, he is going to go be with her one way or the other. I know i am wrong about this.

I don't know if he gave a card to ow, there was no receipt in the bag. so i don't know how many he bought. H did thank me for dinner, although he does not realize he paid for it i used the joint card. I think he thought i was going to pay cash. NO, sorry you can pay for your own dinner. I'm kinda disappointed he did not want to go to our favorite restaurant that we go to for special occasions but i glad in the end he did not pick that place.

I am trying to absorb all that everyone is saying to me, i am thick like a rock and it takes me time. I am trying my best to be a bitch to him, but this is not my personality and its hard for me. But i am working on it. I know you are all trying to get me to do all these things to him, its just hard for me i am a slow learned, i don't want to see the bad side in anyone, this has been me my whole life, it takes me along time to get mad at people or voice my opinion when some one is doing me wrong. this i am working on with my IC. and with me.

Hugs
bear