I do see your point. I guess I was speaking about my hopes for the future. What I hope for us is that "the meal matches the menu." What I mean by that is I want for us to grow together and do things together. I know that I strayed. I hate myself for that. But, I have been praying for us to grow together and for me to forgive myself. My W said that I changed. I have turned to my family and friend and her to understand how I changed and have taken great strides to grow and make myself better because of what I have done. For myself and for us. I am closer to my family than I ever was and now I am building a relationship with God, something that I forgot for a long time. When I talked about me, what I was trying to do was show some humility about the things that I took for granted and blamed her for. What I want for her, what I offer her, is a chance to do all the things you mentioned. I know now that I did not make the necessary investments in our family to influence what I wanted. I KNOW THAT NOW. We have many of the same interests in music, cooking, fitness, religion, family etc. We never shared in those experiences before and I am investing in all of those things now. All I have ever wanted is to make her happy, and what I am saying is that I know that I have put that first. I am giving and I want to give my love to her in every way that she needs. I want to be her friend, her husband, the person she trusts.
If she does D me, then I will move back by her. I have not moved back because we have talked about a D. I do not want to move back there now because the reason we moved was to be out of the environment we were in before. We wanted to move to be closer to our families. If we can get to the point that we can begin to move forward I want to do whatever she needs to make her happy. That is all I ever have wanted. If I have to move to fight, I will.
I know I created this situation. What I want is not about me, but about us and our children. I want to make her happy. I want to reassure her, not with words but with actions. I am not the person I was these past years and I know she is not. She is much stronger and better. I love her unconditionally, I always have. I do not want anyone else other than her!!!!!!!!
She is who I want, and I want to be who she wants.
