I agree. I wouldn't say we are a bonafide "success" at this point, but we are working on it and making progress I think. It takes time to change 20+ years of entrenchment.
There were two components to my changed attitude toward our SL: my true understanding that PT is cac's LL, and my realization that *I* wanted and deserved to have a good sex life too, because it's OK to be sexual. I had really struggled at times with seeing myself as a sexual being, even though I enjoyed sex when we actually had it, usually had an O, etc., etc. But that still didn't make me desire it regularly. I guess I didn't see it as particularly important in my life, partly because of societal brainwashing, meds, illness, and infertility -- take your pick. I could basically take it or leave it most of the time. I don't think we'd have a chance at success if my attitudes about sex hadn't changed. I'm not doing this just for him; I'm doing it for myself too.
It took reading SSM, lurking then posting on another board where cac posted, making cyber/BB female HD friends on same board and reading about their escapades, reading SSM again, reading 5LL, both of us attempting (but failing) to read Passionate Marriage, discovering this BB and lurking here for about 6 months, registering here in Feb., reading 5LL again, spending the last year in IC and repeatedly stepping out of my comfort zone to try to set some boundaries and ask for what I need.... to get to where I am today.
What's unusual about us, compared to others here, is that even though cac started the ball rolling, I'm the one who has taken it and run with it. I have made changes within myself, and those changes have brought about changes in him.
Probably the biggest change in me is doing better at not taking things personally and not letting this stuff get in the way of having sex. For me to forge ahead with sex even though I've been annoyed with cac that day is truly radical. It's a bit of what Mojo said about not punishing her p---- because her H was being a jerk. But mostly it's because when cac does something that bugs me I try to speak right up and get it off my chest. It's amazing what that will do for your sex drive!
