Thanks for the kind words, IHJ. I have moved through this pretty fast, and I guess I'm just getting caught up with myself. You are so sweet to keep bolstering me (and you, my other cyberfriends, too).
Truly my last five years have been so TOTALLY focused on my bf that it feels weird to have all this space in my life and in my brain. If I start to feel a little sad about dropping the rope, it doesn't take much to remember some of the tacky and mean things he's said to me. We've had some great moments (like the time he sang with the choir only a week after open heart surgery), but we've had very few warm, cozy, intimate moments for me to look back on.
Being very anxiety-prone, I'm susceptible to having anxiety creep in. But at 4 am, knowing that intellectually doesn't help too much. At that point, the only thing that helps is xanax. I guess deep down I am afraid of waking up dead (as it were) all alone out here. I wonder how long it would be before anyone noticed my absence from the world? Okay... pretty morbid thinking, I know.
To the ankle doc tomorrow and then to lunch with a guy friend (former client) at the Olive Garden. He's married, and a very good friend, level-headed, very supportive of me. A really normal, kind, interesting guy.
