In Support of Strong Puppy

[Burgbud]

(Mojo) I agree if she hasn't committed to him and his puppy is weak rather than strong.

You lost me. You originally said:

Of course not. What she would say is "He was a blast to be around, he f*cked me silly and took great care of me but I left him for another guy who did all three even better because I knew he would be okay with that because he was so self-sufficient."

I'm saying your "because" is wrong.

If the second guy is f#cking her better, it's safe to assume she hasn't committed to the first guy. True?

[Stigmata]

Any of my meaningful interactions with Fs came out of a result of them pursuing me.

Yuck. Big turn-off reading this.

Whew. I'd hate to think I was posting on divorcebusting.com in order to turn OP on.

Hm, in that case maybe I should go to victoriassecret.com and do a search for power tools.:)

Or I suppose I could lie and say I plied Fs, including x, with gifts, flowers, dinners and jewlry when it was not the case. And, believe me, I'm no [insert your ideal man/movie star/raconteur here].

Yes, I most definitely would not say that were I to have a profile on a site like match.com -- for the very reason you reacted like that. I was wondering which one of you ladies might be first to grab on to that. My money actually was on LFL.

Neither here nor there in the grand scheme.

But what I have found are Fs with strong reactions are often post or transitioning former feminists who, while once yelling at me for opening their doors, now rail at me for not kissing their azzes and placing them in the CU chair in the dating process.

It seems usually to be out of a sense of entitlement that I must always validate them first so they might feel sexy and empowered ... instead of just being confident of her own sexiness and letting the chemistry work itself out no matter who makes the first move.

I don't care who does the chasing. In fact, my responding to an F I really like and not letting the line go slack can technically be classified as me chasing.

I've been called an arrogant male before by Fs who really didn't know me but it was usually out of their preconceived notion of how they must be the ones who are the center of attention from the very first step in the dating process without exception -- ie, "the prize."

Equinamity and Equality manifestations. I know I'm not typical of the guys who will actually pay for some F they don't even know but only met online to fly across the country to see them. I can go to Starbucks around the corner and find one in the flesh. Creeps me out.

I don't see prizes nor do I particularly see myself as a prize -- especially after the damage inflicted on my heart after being cheated on more than once.

Think about it. Why would a guy who is vibing reasonably wolf to me bother to court a woman on the phone for a month and pay to fly her out just to get laid? Heck, if that is the case, I'm just gonna feel real validated for being super hot - lol.

Do you really want my answer? Not saying it's the God's Truth but were I in this position or mind set (thank God I'm not) with loads of $$ to burn I would find it rather convenient to order Fs online like pizzas and have them fly from the hinterlands every weekend to screw me before sending them off to the airport again with a nice pinch to the cute @ss. (provided they have not shown up 200 lbs above what they claimed in their profiles).

so not to burst your bubble, Mojo, but let's just say I highly doubt an unmarried 41 YO male with recent financial success who wants no kids but only after a month wants to just have fun in Mexico with an F he hardly knows doesn't have other irons in the fire and is not new at his online approach.

Commitment-phobes usually don't like fishing locally. Gets too messy after the fun is over. IMO

-Stigmata-

[Stigmata]

I'll say this about the relative merits of bonding and attraction...if she loses her attraction for you all those cups of coffee will retroactively turn from gestures of love to proof of how demanding and unappreciative you've always been.

Couldn't have said it better myself, BB. Glad you did.

Oh, and in case no one buys this. One of my last interactions with x resulted in her blaming me for her own current financial disaster as a result of her own need to soothe herself via maxing out her credit cards .. especially after ALLLL she's done for me over the years.

Funny how she didn't have a problem buying things for me or AOS when she was attracted to me, hm?

Moreover, she doesn't seem to be able to remember anything I did to keep our ship clipping along, both financially and AOS-ily.

-Stigmata-

[MJontheMend]

Or I suppose I could lie and say I plied Fs, including x, with gifts, flowers, dinners and jewlry when it was not the case. And, believe me, I'm no [insert your ideal man/movie star/raconteur here].

I think I indicated quite strongly in my previous thread/posts that this is not the manner in which I would like to be "chased". I prefer consistent displays of simple affection and/or admiration and creative varieties of man-handling. Tell me my shoes are cute, text message me "Sweet Dreams", invite me on a bike ride, serenade me with Barry White, tell me a funny story, pick me up and throw me in the water, e-mail an erotic fantasy, kiss me on the forehead.

I don't care who does the chasing. In fact, my responding to an F I really like and not letting the line go slack can technically be classified as me chasing.

Right. I would think it was lame if I were to harden into a rigid position of "I won't chase boys." although I am stretching myself in that direction for obvious reasons. It might interest you to know that one of the guys who is tied for the #2 position in the race to be my next lover is a guy who I contacted first.

so not to burst your bubble, Mojo, but let's just say I highly doubt an unmarried 41 YO male with recent financial success who wants no kids but only after a month wants to just have fun in Mexico with an F he hardly knows doesn't have other irons in the fire and is not new at his online approach.

Well, I hope he does have other irons in the fire or at least considers himself perfectly capable of having other irons in the fire if he so desired because I sure do (although I do intend to remain sexually monogamous because that is my natural inclination). If and when he signals to me that he wishes to be exclusive it will become a matter of principle rather than intentions. Just as a matter of simple curiosity who would you have me dating and what would he be signaling? Do you really think it would be a wise move to hook up with a guy whose profile says "I don't play games." IMO, that's just a way of saying "I only play a very boring game that involves pillows, safety helmets and lots of nets."

Equinamity and Equality manifestations. I know I'm not typical of the guys who will actually pay for some F they don't even know but only met online to fly across the country to see them. I can go to Starbucks around the corner and find one in the flesh. Creeps me out.

Dang and here I was hoping you would invite me to visit : ) I suppose there are all sorts of bunkeys just like me in every Starbucks (sigh). To give my new prospective lover of whom I am feeling rather fond some credit, there is a glitch in the Match.com system which is sending potential profiles from my zip to his zip in error. Another guy from the same far away town as him contacted me too. He wasn't trolling for long distance hook-ups.

[MJontheMend]

Oh, and in case no one buys this. One of my last interactions with x resulted in her blaming me for her own current financial disaster as a result of her own need to soothe herself via maxing out her credit cards .. especially after ALLLL she's done for me over the years.

Funny how she didn't have a problem buying things for me or AOS when she was attracted to me, hm?

Moreover, she doesn't seem to be able to remember anything I did to keep our ship clipping along, both financially and AOS-ily.

Well, that's all clearly a sign of lingering fusion. I think most people would objectively say that my 2bx did rather f*ck me over with post-split financial mattters but when I find myself feeling/thinking that way I know I'm being a baby and a loser. Some healthy differentiated part of me still appreciates what my 2bx did do to contribute to our household, especially when the children were young but that appreciation does not translate into any feeling of continued commitment to a relationship with him beyond perhaps wanting to give him a hug when we become co-grandparents (I know, I know, who would want a co-grandparent hug from me? But I'm being honest when I express the fact that my cow will always have some attachment to the father of my children.)

And while we're bringing up examples from our marriages. I can assure you that my 2bx definitely bought himself more time and made himself more attractive in our marriage when in response to my "I won't hug anyone who won't hug me back" campaign, he once said " I wish you would touch my hair like you thought I was a good person like you used to."

[Stigmata]

I prefer consistent displays of simple affection and/or admiration and creative varieties of man-handling. Tell me my shoes are cute, text message me "Sweet Dreams", invite me on a bike ride, serenade me with Barry White, tell me a funny story, pick me up and throw me in the water, e-mail an erotic fantasy, kiss me on the forehead.

Sounds normal and resonable ... if not pretty far down the dating line. As long as you are doing it out of fun, Ms, and not to seek her approval. Always remember that.

This is the "nice guy" trap. NGs who overdo this kind of behavior don't realize they are not so nice but are actually trying to manipulate the F out of their own selfish need to buy her attention, sometimes even at high financial cost. Of course, these same guys are the ones you always hear out there bitching about how women suck and are ungrateful (because the ppor babies were rebuffed when their expensive "tactic" failed). Sniff-sniff.

Just as a matter of simple curiosity who would you have me dating and what would he be signaling?

Now, now, Mojo. Tsk tsk. That info is not for free. Besides, I can't have you come after me with guns blazing when the guy I thought viable for you turned out to be a complete sociopath.

Nice try, Mojo. I'm old enough to know that flaming lunch sack you just left on my porch contains a big squishy dog turd, you little rascal.

Do you really think it would be a wise move to hook up with a guy whose profile says "I don't play games." IMO, that's just a way of saying "I only play a very boring game that involves pillows, safety helmets and lots of nets."

Want my short answer? (Yes, I do have them from time to time)

"I don't play games. = Damaged

Huff. Why do guys do this? It just shows their last R was one big drama fest. (Cracks me up too b/c often their R mess was b/c they, in fact, were the ones who started playing games. That kills me.)

-Stigmata-

[MJontheMend]

Sounds normal and resonable ... if not pretty far down the dating line. As long as you are doing it out of fun, Ms, and not to seek her approval. Always remember that.

This is excellent advice for both genders. I think in the Mama Gena book she said something like it's always okay to call the boy if you just want to do something fun. I actually suggested to FloppySocks guy that we just get in our cars and drive North and South with intermittent cell phone contact and then just meet wherever we end up because that would be a fun adventure for me. He wants to fly me out because he has more money than time due to being in captain-of-industry mode but he is making it more exciting for me by telling me that there is something mysterious going on in the complex where he lives and I have to come help him solve the case.

Now, now, Mojo. Tsk tsk. That info is not for free. Besides, I can't have you come after me with guns blazing when the guy I thought viable for you turned out to be a complete sociopath.

Nice try, Mojo. I'm old enough to know that flaming lunch sack you just left on my porch contains a big squishy dog turd, you little rascal.

Bawk- bawk.

"I don't play games. = Damaged

I agree. That's why they need the safety equipment.

[SouthernGirl]

Besides, I can't have you come after me with guns blazing when the guy I thought viable for you turned out to be a complete sociopath.

Malespeak for: "I don't have a clue, really. But don't I sound clever?"

*grin*

[LustForLife]

Hit that nail right on the head SG.

LFL

[Stigmata]

Besides, I can't have you come after me with guns blazing when the guy I thought viable for you turned out to be a complete sociopath.

Malespeak for: "I don't have a clue, really. But don't I sound clever?"

LFL Added:

Hit the nail right on the head SG.

Awww, now what's the matter ladies? An F asks an M to horn in on your territory as matchmaker (I know how you all love to do that and get all territorial about it) so ya zing me?

(Looking around on the floor)

I knew I'd step on that SSM estrogen button at some point. *chuckle*

Never fear, loves, matchmaker is NMJ gender-ally speaking. I'm old school that way.

Actually I do have a clue but Mojo doesn't want to hear me tell her to take care of her business first. That would be my step one.

But I do enjoy female tag-teams. So, let's go, ladies. (snapping fingers) go oil youselves up and get your buns in that jello vat or mud ring. Chop-chop. I don't have all day.

[insert shot of buzz headed John Candy from Stripes yelling: "I'm a lean, mean fighting machine!" here]

,Until then

-Stigmata-