Trixi movin' on up...

[Dom R]

Like I somehow 'owe' it to everyone to kick him to the curb.

odd as it may sound, especially coming from me:
Dont ever give in to that.

Dont ever do something in your marriage, to make people "out here" happy.
Only do it, if you feel it is right for you, and your marriage.

You dont "owe" anyone here anything. In my opinion, you only owe to yourself, and to your marriage.

[Trixi]

Thanks Dom.

My mom is still going on about things. Sent me a big long email with links to various sites for me to look at (about how bad it is to sleep with an estranged spouse). I know that she would love it if I would kick him to the curb, but she is also trying to live vicariously thru me since her H has said HORRIBLE things to her and she stays because she can't afford to go. Her H makes my H look like a flipping saint.

H called today to talk discuss when he could get me his microwave (he forgot it on Saturday); told me to email him my bank info so he could start direct depositing money into my acct; at first said he wasn't sure if he was going to close the joint acct right away, but then when I said the bills were caught up, it sounded like he plans to close it down (one more nail in the coffin)...he asks if I am really anxious to get going on my glass torching (YES!), we agree it needs to be light out to hook up my propane tank, and then (I need ventilation in the room) he suggests that I go to Lowes or Home Depot, pick out an exhaust fan and "we can build something out of plywood to put it in." I'm having a hard time explaining..it was like 'we' were just doing a home project so that I can do my hobby--he is still wanting to help me, I guess is what I am trying to say. But then the conversation finishes with us agreeing that I will meet him at the old house on Wednesday to go over all the finances. whooppeeee.

[Trixi]

Journaling:
I had taken the wireless router from the old house and it isn't compatible at my new house. He had purchased a router for the apartment that doesn't like the old house, so he called to ask me questions (did I take any of the cables) and so on. Also, I had taken the tv from the bedroom and given it back because he brought the bigger tv from the apartment. So, he was like "I can't get it to work, how do you make it work?" Anyway, long story short, I knew he had to be online to do some updating for work so I took the "old house" router back to him last night.

The microwave was in the back of his truck. (YAY!) I go inside, he tries to set up the router and it doesn't work. I tell him to unplug the dsl modem- then router works. At same time, I get the bedroom tv to work. (Who knew it would be ME to fix the stuff?) And, as per usual, he was friendly, little flirty. Gave me a nice kiss on the lips and a hug and several "thanks so much!"s. And then he hopped online a only a few minutes after he was scheduled and I drove back here. *sigh*

One interesting thing that came up was that he is thinking of renting out a room. That seems VERY odd to me. Granted, the house is much too big for just one person, but still- that just is soooooo weird.

One of my girlfriends (the one that doesn't hate his guts for what he is doing) actually thinks things will turn around for us. She used to be on the 'side' of the rest of my family and friends, but she is starting to think that he really DOES love me, that this really IS all about HIM figuring out who he is/what he wants, and that given time, he will figure it out and I need to have enough faith that everything will work out for the best. Of course, in the meantime, I should work on myself and not 'wait' for him.

This is all still so surreal to me.

[MaxP]

Trixi,

Thanks for popping by.

I don't think renting a room out is odd at all. It may be a purely financial question and could make a place not feel so lonely. I'm thinking about it myself, not that I want to do it.

I also agree with your friend. The fact that your H does interact in a positive way with you sometimes (that also seems fairly normal, taken as a snapshot) must in itself be positive. There is certainly some hope in your sitch. You just need to set up and be clear about your boundaries and what you find acceptable. He must change to be worthy of being your H again.

Max

[MaxP]

Hey, what's glass torching?

[NikB]

Hi Trixi, long time no check in, sorry!! Been crazy busy (plus dealing with storm stuff for a few days).

Anyway.. I'm glad Max asked because I want to know what glass torching is too.

I think you have a VERY wise friend. In particular this part:

I need to have enough faith that everything will work out for the best. Of course, in the meantime, I should work on myself and not 'wait' for him.

Remember that "the best" may not be what you think it is right now. I'm betting that's what your friend meant, too.

Not saying it WON'T ultimately be reconciling - just saying keep your mind open a bit on that, "the best" is not set in stone, it may change over time.

[Trixi]

Thanks for checking in guys
First, glass torching: I have a torch powered by propane and oxygen that I use to melt glass and make glass beads, glass cylinders to go on salad tongs, goddesses, stars, dog heads... Nothing like sitting down in front of a torch, grabbing a rod of glass and making it do my bidding. Or at least attempt to make it do my bidding. The propane tank has to be put outside and I also need ventilation since some of the glasses have heavy metals in them. Because this is just a rental, I can't make any structural changes to the house. In my old house, my H had piped the propane into a second story bedroom.

I went over to the old house last night thinking we were talking finances. And we were, but only to a degree. I gave him a rundown of all the different bills the auto-deduct from the joint checking acct; told him what he needs to do to reduce the phone bills but still keep DSL; told him which companies he needed to call ASAP to accept sole responsibility for payment. He gets to the car insurance bill and says "Is this autopay?" I say "yup. that reminds me- I need to call for renters insurance and to have the car insurance deducted out of my acct. That sucks." and he says "no, you don't. just leave it." So, after a very short discussion on bills, he had purchased a new router and wanted to install it. I was a bit surprised that we didn't discuss anything more; but that's fine by me.

We started flirting. (Surprise, surprise, I know.) So I say "What's with this crazy ass relationship of ours?!" H "Yeah, it is crazy isn't it? I'm just taking it day by day. I just need some time and space for now."

He makes a couple moves on me and I hop up and say "HEY! what about actually DOING something together?!" H "We do do stuff. This weekend I am getting your torch set up. What about all the concerts we went to-Stevie Wonder, The Police..." I interrupt and say "yeah, yeah, that was WAY back. And setting up the torch is to pay me back for picking you up at 1am in the morning. I mean something FUN." H "Well sure we can do something fun. Let's figure out something to do and we'll go do it." !!

While trying to get the router set up, I notice MY slippers by the side of the bed with some of his clothes. (Just sort of messily piled around.) (I had left my slippers in the garage.) He has slippers of his own that he wears, and he doesn't wear slippers in the house. Anyhow, here is what is interesting. At some point, during the power cycling of the modem and router (many trips back and forth thru the bedroom) he hid my slippers under the bed. What does it mean? I don't know exactly, just something that made me go "hmmmmmm".

Fine morning- about an hour and a half of snuggle time. I thought I screwed things up with a couple comments I made just before I left, but I was just IMing him and things appear to be just fine.

Now the plan for this Saturday is get an earlier start to acct for the football playoff. Cool.

[MaxP]

Hey Trixi, my dad used to do that kind of glass sculpting when we were kids. He used to make glass mice and horses out of different rods of coloured glass (I cannot bring myself to use the US spelling, sorry). Glass scuplting is something I'd like to have a go at, not sure I wouldn't burn myself though! How did you get into it?

Not sure what to make of the slippers stuff, are you suspicious? Do you trust him?

Harsh question here, do you think he adapts his conversation and behaviour (there we go again) to manipulate you? Now I'm being too suspicious. I know we all manipulate people at some level, but is he saying stuff to keep you on side?

Did you make any plans in the end?

Max

[NikB]

Hey Trixi,

That glass sculpting sounds really cool!! How fun. I've always wanted to try glass blowing too.

How're you doing?

[MaxP]

Trixi, how are you doing?