longer we wait for them the longer it takes for our lives to truely move on
That is true. On the other hand, if you follow the philosophy of DBing, giving your marriage a few months or years to get back onto track is worth it.
I haven't decided for myself what I think. I know that I am not standing still - I am working on getting a career really underway, but I teach at the college level and it takes a LONG time to get any kind of full-time position (I'm in the process of working on getting something by the fall of 2009!). H&me also, at present, aren't in any kind of financial position to divorce w/o throwing the whole family into a tailspin, and so far, my H is willing to wait. Still, we are sitting here looking at one year down and potentially 18 months to go (since my H has said he would "consider" waiting to file any D papers until I had a full-time job) - and sometimes the limbo can be really tiring. In the end, though, I think that my own inability to detach well hasn't helped me to find a peace; if that happens - me finding my own peace - I think I can wait for a long time... or maybe I'll be the one filing.
I know, though, that many on this forum have waited for years, and for many of them, that wait has been beneficial. If you think that your H is in MLC, many here will tell you it is able to be survived, but then the wait is almost always years. I think in the end, it is whatever you determine YOU need to find a balance - and IMO that can take any form (D or standing or whatever). I do know that with time, I have found the idea of divorce a lot less threatening, so maybe that ability to stomach the possibility is something to consider as making things easier.
