Got to break the dark one day...DB coach recommended it also.
Well today has got to be the best so far...in as brief as I can
Background 9:00 - Picked up 5D from WAW house and as planned, I turned toward vehicle. As I was walking away from WAW house I told 5D we had to get dance stuff after church. Well, you know WAW was "what wait what dance". She was very surprised and was like when is it so I can take her. I said it was on Tuesdays and I'll have her the next several Tuesday's, it won't be a problem. Then I left for church...
9:15 - Well, then I thought that might be bad if that is too much of shock for her and then it dawned on me that I had not told her about where 5D would be tomorrow. So,
I called her. I said I was sorry that I forgot to tell you that 5D will be with aunt and GM tomorrow, they are excited. And she said great. I then said I meant to tell you about dance class last night and forgot kind of like I did a minute ago with 5D and tomorrow. She said it's ok I've always wanted her to do this. Conversation continued into letards, shoes, tights, dance class time, etc...
She then said she was surprised because this was something I would not have done before...WOOHOO like a relationship conversation and a 180 for me to boot. Like double bonus. She noticed a change. I said I've learned a lot over the last little while and I told you why I've been unhappy. It makes very happy to be able to provide and take care of 5D and it will make 5D happy. Other things here like 5D classmates in class and stuff. She then said I couldn't before. And I said well I just save a dollar and burn the rest, this validates her. This is what she likes to do with money. We continued talking about where to get clothes and such I listened because honestly I have little clue about what to get. So, I validated her basically by being an idiot about it and saying oh, I didn't know that so it's such and such... and then bonus #2
the next interesting thing WAW said...you know you cannot replace me. She said this kind of under her breath not ugly and meaning me be both mom and dad I think. I said I know. I have thought a lot about what I wish I would've or could do with you that you are so much better than me at like cooking. Getting these clothes for 5D is going to be really hard for me, heck I didn't even know what leotards were until dance person described them. I thought they were blah blah. This would be so easy for you. But, I am learning. It's an improvement. I did say that she is welcome to come get the clothes this afternoon, and continued to talk about what to get. She described where they would be in the store. So, I had my answer. However, she did not talk over me with a NO. She then said she had to go and I said I do to, Sunday School was starting. The whole conversation was 11 minutes. Felt like a lot longer. And certainly worth a lot more than that.
Positives - 1) She brought up relationship questions. 2) She definitely saw a big 180 today. 3) Another pleasant conversation - I could hear the sweetness in her voice again. 4) She was absolutely shocked that I had done this for 5D. 5) Something she has always wanted to do for 5D and I did it. She repeated this several times. 6) She definitely saw something different in me today... 7) Validated her feelings on spending money, doing for 5D, what to get, where to go, made her feel smart about what to get because I had no clue(she has said I make her feel stupid before), etc... without saying I know how you feel, etc... More by actions... 8) She did not holler no when welcomed to help to get 5D clothes.
Negatives - 1) Well, I am sure I talked to much but...she was the one asking the questions. 2) welcoming her to get 5D clothes is breaking a rule but I wanted to include her if she wanted. Don't think she is ready yet but ...
Sorry about the length but I tried not to leave anything out and know I did. So, today I took another step I think.
Plan - same 1) Leave her alone. Let her think. 2) Send card/letter whatever in week or so. 3) Be busy this weekend. Hopefully, I can return a call from her.
Oh on a side note, 5D forgot her stuffed animal from zoo and got upset about it in church. So, I had to text her to ask if 5D could get it. She sent me a text back saying she "would put it in the mailbox :)" Smiley is new. What's up with that? She had gone to church so no biggie about the mailbox. Interesting more than anything.
