Personally Karen, that last version sounded far more honest than the previous attempts at a more "politically correct" version. Me, I'd go with that. Often times, men are dull creatures. That is why the WAW syndrome got named. You sit and stew and when you blow we go "Whaaat? I thought things were better".
Give your H the gift of unvarnished honesty.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
FWIW - I have never explicitly nor implicitly threatened H. I have never used the D word - only he has.
Karen... what you intend, and what you say, and what he hears, are 3 separate things.
The words you choose to reflect what you intend to say, may be interpreted completely differently, by "someone who isnt you". and most importantly, it's how your husband specifically, interprets the words, that matters here.
Something in what you are saying, implies "divorce" to him. Otherwise, he would not have said that word himself.
It may not imply it to you. But it does to him. So in his mind, he is being threatened. or at the least feeling threatened.
Quote:
What would happen if I really let loose? Dunno - probably he would consider leaving.
i disagree. I suggested you let loose on him, 6 months ago was it?
Your husband sounds like the person who might "wish" he could leave, but like you, will not seriously consider it. I think it could be quite effective.
NOT as effective, as approaching him on biblical grounds, however.
PS: dont tell a man "do whatever you want". it doesnt work.
you've tried that already. look where it got you? Doing the same on your part, will result on more of the same on his part. ifyou're going to use your "script" that you posted, i suggest completely cutting out the last paragraph with "do what you want".
Replace it with, "Give me what I deserve!!!!"
Last edited by Dom R; 01/06/0809:36 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I liked the sound of that more, too, karen. And just for purposes of this BB, it could even be MORE angry, more demanding, more pissed off, more resentful. If you ever get around to emailing him that or telling him, you can always tone it down... but can you make it shorter and about 10X angrier???
With less "you" and more "karen"?
It still sounds pretty self-controlled and rational... reach deep down and pull out the stuff you vowed you would NEVER say to him, the really low, hateful, dirty stuff-- how much this hurts, how lonely you are, how you had this baby for him (even though you adore the baby)... not saying you have to say any of this to him... in fact I'm suggesting you NOT say the really icky stuff. But I feel like I want to crawl inside your soul with a flashlight and a whisk broom and sweep out the dusty, resentful corners.
Care to give it another try?
ETA: I think what I want to hear from you is more anger and MORE vulnerability... more anger mixed with hurt, more desperation, more rage and frustration ESPECIALLY knowing that you have left yourself no way out of this sitch. A tone that's more challenging...
What would happen if I really let loose? Dunno - probably he would consider leaving.
Really? He doesn't seem like the type, but you'd know better than me. And is that your fear? Is that why you are hesitent to confront him full force? I agree with the others that you need to ramp it up a little and show how hurt and angry you are.
I will say that my W says that "she didn't get it"...and I thought that I couldn't have been any clearer on the matter. BUT, she DID know that things were bad...was trying to do something about it...was re-reading ssm and discovered the board, came here, and found "me" and all the stuff I'd said. It was only then that she (says) started to "get" it. REALLY get it.
Karen: What would happen if I really let loose? Dunno - probably he would consider leaving.
LFL: Really? He doesn't seem like the type, but you'd know better than me. And is that your fear? Is that why you are hesitent to confront him full force? I agree with the others that you need to ramp it up a little and show how hurt and angry you are.
That's why I'm suggesting you first get in touch with your rageful feelings here among friends. I agree that your H doesn't seem like the sort of person who would walk. In fact, if he saw you totally unglued, he might very well rise to the alpha level. But that's for down the road, if at all. First, let it loose in front of us! We'll love you no matter what (and we're not walking out no matter what either!)
