FWIW - I have never explicitly nor implicitly threatened H. I have never used the D word - only he has. I have merely told him how hurtful the lack of sex in the R is, how it makes me feel and how I don't think it is healthy nor is it what either of us intended when we said I do. That alone caused the shame/denial/hiding. What would happen if I really let loose? Dunno - probably he would consider leaving.
