Another newbie with a problem - long story

[Stormchaser]

You were just feeling frustrated and looking for support/answers. You felt JUSTIFIED in reading it in front of her, even though maybe a part of you felt it probably would not be well received by her. Would you agree or no?

Yeah, you're right. I probably was trying to push a button in opening up the book in front of her. There are times when I'm really frustrated and just do dumbass things.

I tried a little something different today - Its going on week 3 of no sex, and I'm feeling really frustrated today. She was gushing to her sister on the phone about how excited she is about us going to Niagara Falls for our anniversary in March. A part of me wanted to just tell her to forget the trip, why bother going since we'll just sleep apart...my internal mind was racing with all kinds of accusatory stuff. But, after the phone call, I tried to be as calm as possible. I simply said that I'd like to go to the Falls without this black cloud hanging over us, how I'd hate for any friction to ruin this nice trip. She thought about it and actually agreed, that it would be great to start talking to someone as soon as we can.

I was initially set on finding someone that takes our insurance - but its pretty difficult. I'm glad I read some of Harley's stuff about counseling, though. Its a hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce. Even without mediation and if it went uncontested, I'd be shelling out thousands for a lawyer. Last time I checked, a marriage counselor is cheaper per hour than a lawyer.

As a post note, I'm still frustrated. Very difficult for me to keep from salivating while she's prancing around the house a nice tight workout outfit - I can look but I cannot touch.