Let me ask this...has anybody ever heard a woman say, "He was a blast to be around, he fu(ked me silly and took great care of me. But I dumped him because he was so self-sufficient."? Does anybody think it's possible that no woman in the history of the world has ever uttered those sentences?
I could be wrong. Forgive me if I am way out of line on my speculation. I have a theory that Blackfoot's xw became alienated from him because he signaled to her that he didn't have any use for her.
If you require your woman to heal you, you will wear her out and loose her respect. But if she can see that you are bleeding (a smart woman can see it even if you hide it), and she offers to help, why would you deny her the personal satisfaction of helping? You can make it clear, if you want, that you don't need her help (can you do this without sounding defensive?) but you can choose to let her help anyway, because it is good to have someone on your side. Especially in a LTR.
Example from this morning: I can get my own coffee. For years when my wife asked me if I would like a cup of coffee, I declined. I told her I would get it myself, because, I didn't want to inconvenience her, and because I was perfectly capable of getting my own coffee. Now when she asks, I accept the invitation. She got me two cups, this morning! I get the vibe from her that it makes her feel good that she can do something for me. She is trying to tell me that she loves me, and by graciously accepting, I am hearing her message. I still don't ask, and I certainly don't expect. But letting her perform these little acts of love bring us closer together.
It's not all about attraction, it's also about bonding. If she can do things for me, voluntarily, that can heal me and make both of us feel good about the relationship, it helps foster the "you and me against the world, baby" mindset that a couple needs in order for their relationship to survive the peaks and valleys of attraction and thrive in the long haul.
Just my $0.02
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
