Trixi movin' on up...

[Dom R]

Heya Trix,

I wonder if I want to save 'this' marriage or just get rid of it completely and start from scratch later.

You talked earlier in your post, about whether YOU need to push for divorce/separation. That's a very large extreme.
Maybe you would want to try smaller bits, first.

It seems like you've dropped your "i know you'll be back" talk with him. i think that's good [and it's kinda funny that he seems to be picking up the slack in that talk area! ]

Rather than jumping to the divorce/LS front, you might consider just telling him a variant of what you wrote above.

ie, maybe something like:


I still love you. i like being with you. I DONT like being continually also HURT by you, for going on [X] months now. I dont want to spend the rest of my life waiting for "well, maybe he'll come back. someday.

YOU may see divorce as a temporary thing, to absolve you of guilt if you screw someone else while you 'make up your mind'.
I dont see it as such a temporary thing.

Your attitude about all this, over so long a time now, makes me unsure that I really want to save this marriage any more.
If you cant pull yourself together now.. if you're such a victim to your 'feelings', that you cant say "I'm married, and I respect and love my wife; I'm going to get a grip", without going and dating other people to "get it out of your system" or whatever...

then I dont see any reason to expect things will be any different ,the NEXT time you have issues with your "feelings".

I dont want to be married to a guy who thinks its ok to go be with other women, because his "Feelings" tell him it's ok.
I want to be with a man who has integrity enough to stick to a commitment he made, called "marriage". Something that's supposed to be for the rest of his life, with no "breaks" when he "feels he needs it".



Hmm... I guess what I wrote, is tantamount to pushing for divorce, in its own way.
well, if you see something in there that resonates with you, hope you can make it fit your own wishes for yourself.


PS: I completely echo what NikiB said.
Ok, you've stopped with your "we'll be back together"... but now you're condoning what he's doing, by implying he has an open invitation to always be at your house, indefinately?!! yikes.