I spoke to my attorney and I spoke to my individual counselor. Neither raised a red flag about this. NEither suggested it would be something that "legally" would count as a strike against me. My attorney thought that depending on the judge it could be viewed as positive. In other words I am open minded, I went to AM classes on my own.
I also reflected on this myself. My view is that W and I have different styles. I grew up the son of an Italian father, very passionate. W grew up with no father, and an alcoholic mother, who didn't care what she did. No boundaries.
When I set a boundary for the kids, it's a power struggle between W and I. I don't want my boys to have long moppy hair, but they do. So I strongly suggest that they wash their hair every day, and comb it so that they at least look neat. She resents this. There are 1000 examples just the same. This is the crux of it. This is the source of most our problems. She and I do not agree on the role of parents and spouses in a relationship. She's never seen a father. Doesn't know what one looks or acts like.
If I insist on the children putting away their toys before they move onto the next one, she says that I am controlling and overstrict. The result is we live in a mess of a house and the parents take too much labor on themselves, cleaning up after kids. It's freaked. Look, I am comfortable cleaning toilets and washing dishes, but do I have to pick up all the barbies too? a six year old can do that herself.
So in general I think I am being reasonable, and I think I have happily compromised in the course of our marriage many times.
But, I still am inclined to go to the classes. if I dig my heels in on this and say "NFW, No AM Classes for me! It's not MY FAULT." I would be justified, I think. On the other hand, would that be likely to indicate to her that I still want this marriage, that I am willing to change and work to get it?
What's the worst that could happen? Maybe I will learn some skills and gain better control of myself...? Could I stand it?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
