Tell me how to get out of my stuckness. Do I re-format the talk or do I just go forward behaviorally as Stig suggested?
Well, you could try the behavioral change but considering that hasn't worked in the past, why would it work now? Something is really wrong here and if you don't figure out what it is, you are going to be stuck. The other night when I was having the horrid talk with H, I told him I didn't think I loved him anymore. How could I do what I did if I loved him? I think that was pretty honest and it hurt him to hear it but I was very confused and lost. All I knew for sure was that feeling loved was a need and I wasn't going to go my whole life without it. You say you love your H, but what does that really mean? And what does that mean when he says it to you? That you will just stay M, committed, not matter how miserable each of you may be? That is not love in my book. It is commitment but not love. I think you need to figure out which one is more important to you and you may make more progress. Just from what I know of you, it seems that love is more important but you are trying to talk yourself into thinking commitment is where you should focus your energies. Are you being honest with yourself? You can't be honest with him until you do.
