So I have been posting in the seperated forum because that is what happened. Quick summary - H does the i dont love you speech in mid Oct then needs space. Leaves 2 days later. No fighting before this or major issues, h never once said he wanted to leave or that there was a problem. He leaves when our d is 8 and a half months old. I go through the crying, begging and of course confronting.... I find out about lies and when i confronted him he left. Said he needed head space to think, he was confused did not know what to do. Silly me, so involved with baby and trusting that h would never betray me did not take too much notice of ow that h was carrying on about. He did not shut up about her. He even defended her if i said something bad. He told me she bought great shoes from a shop and i should go get a pair. She loved his new shirt (which i bought), her car broke down and he was so concerned...how will she get to work? I noticed the cell phone messages always being deleted and him being unusally possessive over his phone. When I checked his cell phone bill - 30 to 40 texts a day...and she is his assisstant at work! Working early and late hours.I said nothing to him about this until 2 months later in MC and after that he said he wanted to D. While i was begging for help he was chatting away. ME=STUPID and BLIND. I confronted him about affair and he said she is just his best friend...he finally found someone who is just like him. He is a musician, she is a musician. She just listens.
Hint of MLc- this is not the way life was suppossed to be - trapped. now new woman, new band (of course she understands being a muso herself). When asked was our marriage bad he replies no it was ok, good at times but i dont want to do this anymore!
OK so now he moves out. He stays at friend down the road for rest of OCt. Then things get fishy...I dont know where he is now staying but he lied for a while before he said oh at another male friend. His car broke down and he said that guy from work let him use his car - i saw ow give him car keys. Told me guy was giving him a lift - I drove past and saw ow waiting outside his moms house. When i called him he said oh with guy from work... Silly me gave ultimatum - come home or it is over and he said fine we are over but if you want me to tihnk about it i will. I cave in and say ok think about it.
Now I love my h and i want him to come home but this ow has got him hooked! He does not text me or phone me. He has told me he wants a D but when i asked him if he would think about it he said ok - so he is still thinking cos he has had no time. No contact christmas or new year. He has now been transferred to a new office and as far as i know ow has not. he only knew her for a few months and it happened so fast.
Now i would love to confront her but that may do more harm then good as h told me to stay away from his friends. He used to be very angry, now he is calm. but my question is how do i get my h's attention? how can dbing work if he never sees me or talks to me, it has been nearly 3 months. Only see each other when he visits d for an hour once or twice a week. We were going to counselling but stopped over december, starting next week but nothing is achieved cos he wants out and i want in....help!one other question i feel like dbing is almost trapping me in a denial phase as i did not see this coming and i still feel like there is a bit of hope??? is this wishful thinking?? i have read DBing but not the divorce remedy - would it help even though h went running a while ago and seems to be headstrong about a decision he made before he walked out the door???
M-31 H- 34 d- 11 months T- 16 years M- 5 and half years S - oct 07 said wanted a D - dec 07
