It seems so bleak though, since she's apparently cruising for guys before we're even divorced. Not that she really puts much stock in the "sanctity of marriage" anyway. She figures because she left, we're as good as divorced. I'm thinking differently - I know I was briefly pseudo-involved with someone, but I realized that I felt it was wrong.
And hell, at least I can explain (not excuse) my actions by the fact that I felt lonely and abandoned. Right now it doesn't feel like anyone could hold a candle to what W brought to me life. Melodramatic, yes. But whenever I think of the idea of dating someone, I know I'll end up (at least at first) comparing them to W.
I'm thinking about confronting her about this. Since she's clearly looking for a date, less than four months after we split, and we aren't even divorced yet. I don't even know if she's filed the paperwork. It just seems tacky.
...f**k. See. I don't know what I want. She and I obviously hold different viewpoints and moral values - and she's got some serious issues, I guess.
It's so easy to let the anger at her mask anything else. To just let that over-ride the hurt, the pain, the lonliness - to try and feel justified in being belligerent about her.
I'm doing better in other areas of my life, but my mixed feelings for W are holding me back. In part, I'm so hurt and angry because of the events of most of 2007... but in others I still love her so much.
