There are a lot of men/women who fall in live with the OM/OW (or at least they "think" they do). These are the ones who walk away from the marriage. Sometimes they realize that the OM/OW isn't what they really wanted and they weren't really in love with them and then want to return home. I figue that the OM/OW starts out being sympathetic to problems,they say they understand,they are so attentive and affectionate and only put their "best foot" forward. They have no idea what the person they are trying to "steal" is really like because they don't have to live with them 24/7 and deal with all their faults. And the person cheating doesn't really know the person they are cheating with for the same reasons. The wife/husband left to deal with the betrayal is the person hurt the most. I agree that the A isn't about the OM/OW it is about something going on in the life of the cheater. No matter how much you love someone you can't stop them from cheating if they are going to. You can't love them enough to make things work out all alone. They have to love you back and be as committed to the marriage as you are. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Had my H come to me and told me that he loved this OW, I know he would have left me. Nothing I could have said or done would have stopped him. It wouldn't have mattered that I loved him more than anything in this world or that I was willing to forgive him. I am so fortunate that he had no feelings for this person and he had never lost the love he had for me and we were able to work on what had gone wrong with us. I wish everyone could have the happy outcome I did but everyone's situation is different,everyone has different levels of what they can accept,live with and forgive. I know that some people simply cannot forgive infidelity and some men/women can't stop cheating. Every individual has to decide if they can forgive infidelity and move forward with the spouse or give up and move forward without the spouse. No one can make that decision for you - not even your spouse. If C helps by all means go - go together or go separate - just GO!
