Casey, really sorry it had to happen that way. The feeling of finding H at ows is a hard one to drown out. I was really thirsty so I went a few times on gut instinct and continued the drowning.
I did it all off my own bat. I figured it's time to stop being wishy washy. Just to make things clearer, h was at his own place, his g/f's car was at his place. Not happy that it appears that he has g/f staying over while he has d6 there as well. But...not my problem any more. If I want a divorce, I can't tell him how to control his romantic life. Weird thing is, he says he doesn't want a divorce and that he wants to be with me. He texted me last night (which is what prompted me to go to his place) and said: What I want is to be with you. If that means breaking up with [g/f] that is what I will do. I have told you repeatedly that I want to be with you. Time for you to decide once and for all what we are doing. h
Hmm...I would have thought if he wanted to be with me, that he wouldn't even be looking at another woman, let alone sleeping with them. Does there appear to be any logic in there or is he delusional? Please someone explain it to me.
Originally Posted By: WCW
You don't sound ready to be done with this yet. You do sound still very angry. Get a hold of that and don't let it work against you. Any feelings of love that you may still have is drowned out in anger.
Yep...I'm pretty angry, but it's a low simmering thing that is starting to erupt as I feel more aware that *I* matter and how I feel matters. It's like he wants me to validate and forgive him and forget it all but doesn't seem to be able to be empathetic about how I am feeling and what I need from him. I think we are square peg/round hole that have been trying to fit together for so long that the square peg (me) has had it's sides shaved off so that it sort of fits and is only just starting to realise (or at least wonder if) that "Hey...I am a square peg...and, hey!...that's a round hole (h). No wonder things are so hard. We don't fit together!" I do love him. He is beautiful. The loving of him has hurt too much. Time to look after my self and make me beautiful on the inside so that I can be a whole person on my own.
Originally Posted By: WCW
Can you go dark? I know you have D6 to coparent, but set up schedules in advance and if H doesn't show then make yourself unavailable with D6.
Yesterday morning was only partially successful with me trying to nut out a parenting plan with him. He wasn't very cooperative and seemed bent on pointing out what wouldn't work and what parts were crap instead of telling me what he wanted and what options he had. He won't commit to making a mediation appointment of his own so this was my next option (my own parenting plan). Short of sending him a 'this is how it's going to be letter' regarding him spending time with d6 which will just create fireworks, I can't think of a way to do this cooperatively.
Originally Posted By: WCW
Be proactice in how he moves his stuff out of the joint house. Do not set yourself up for more hurt or a reason to feel worse. Prepare yourself. .
This is good advice. The list I gave him yesterday of the things he owns is 'apparently' not complete (yes I know that but I'm not fully aware of what other things he believes are his and he hasn't/won't tell me what they are). I had my list of things I wanted to keep, one of which was the bedroom suite and he said I wasn't getting all of it. Sheesh...there's like a bed, a tallboy and a bedside chest of drawers and that's it.
What are some ways I can be more proactive about him getting his stuff? Gotta go...he's here....
