Update (proving once again you never know what will happen, OR how you will respond)
WAW brought kids over to my apt for our weekly exchange, er shuffle last night. She came in and talked about Christmas/kids for several minutes while OM waited outside in car. She is different. She was crying most of the time. The anger is gone, completely. She kept saying she didn't want to hurt anybody and didn't want to "mess up" the kids (there was a time when that was not a concern of hers). She seemed genuinely upset that she is doing just that.
She asked to take kids to her family's Christmas Eve tradition without me (she had suggested we go together last week and I had agreed). I asked if she was taking OM. She said no and began to cry commenting her uncle had asked the same question. I comforted her saying if she's going to marry him one day that could afect her decision. she rolled her eyes slightly and commented their relationship is ""nothing like that".(She has commented often that there is no display of affection from him, he made it very clear he wants NO commitment. It seems to be just sex and companionship)
She then asked if she could have the kids alone for a time on Christmas day. I agreed that she could although that was not our original agrement. I'm trying to feel my way through this and be "human" about it. She really seemed to appreciate that. We talked about our similar feeling of loss when we don't have the kids; missing them, silence (deafening) in our residences, etc.
I asked if we were exchanging gifts on the way to OM's car. She loked shocked/hurt and said, "I got you gifts." I explained I had something for her, but wasn't sure what we were doing.
After she got home she called to see if I was OK, mad at her. I told her "no, I still love you." She replied, "I love you too."
As I try not to have expectations I can't help but wonder:
1. Is she at the end of replay and realizing the damage she has done/is doing or is this just a little seperated family holiday depression?
2. Or, was I simply manipulated by her to give her what she wanted?
I'm leaning toward #1 as the tears were real and she didn't have to call after she got home as I had basically agreed to give her what she wanted (more time alone with our kids on Christmas)
What do you think, guys/gals?
Last edited by sleeper; 12/24/0703:55 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Well, one thing I learned along the way is to never read too much into anything they do. My ex was most emotional ALWAYS at the holidays. I think this has something to do with it. If she REALLY didn't want this happening -she'd put an end to it.
My ex always told me he would love me forever. Even when he was living with maggot. Wonder if its true? Don't know, don't care.
I think it is best for the children to be with both parents and enjoy as much non confrontational time as possible during the holidays. I think you have done very well. Don't worry about being taken advantage of - you appear to be doing what your heart says is right.
She is still so screwed up. We got into a fight on the phone this afternoon, basically about her expecting me to take care of kids on her week so she could so sking. I knew this was going to happen. I feel like I'm just rolling over and letting her dictate my life, but I have to watch out for my kids. According to her, it was my fault kids were worried who would take care of them while she was gone.
It all worked out though. I'm going to take care of the kids and I decided to let her have them tonight and in the AM. She was speechless. I really didn't give a ____ what her reaction was. I did it for my children. It wouldn't be fair to them to be tossed back and forth 4 times over the next 24 hours.
I guess your wish that we have a peaceful Christmas came true.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of GOD." (I and hope be given the opportunity to ask all those who broke the peace, What the he__ were you thinking?)
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
I probably did this to myself, but I'm still pissed. Come to think of it, I did ask her to marry me so I guess I did do all this to myself.
It's the manipulation thing that is driving me crazy. Basically, W would like to use me as a 24 hour daycare. She has even commented, "We only live a few blocks apart so there is NO reason either of us should not be able to see kids whenever we want". Translation; whenever its convenient for her. Mind you she envisions herself gaining custody and me paying her child support but I'm sure she will expect me to take care of the kids most of the time. ANY hesitation on my part to comply with her wishes about the kids and I am railed for being "passive agressive" and "using the kids" against her. Not to mention accusations that I'm "warping the kids" I can't win. It's either fold or fight and I'm getting tired of both.
I'm really getting tired of being lied to.
Question: When she lies to me and I can call her on it, should I or shouldn't I?
Last edited by sleeper; 12/28/0711:34 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Sleeper, My W comes up with a plausible excuse everytime she wants me to take the kids. She switches weekends at least once a month and always has an excuse why she can't watch them. I feel like a doormat sometimes but I always do it if it is at all possible. Sometime I do change her terms a little, but I still do it. In the end it means that I get to spend time with the kids.
Arguing with her will not change her, it will only piss her off which will cause her to find new ways to attack you. Beside the last thing you want to fight over is who is going to spend time with the kids.
Lying comes with the territory. Some times it is obvious, sometimes it is suspected. Accept it and carry on. Don't get sucked in to her crap. Again, fighting with her about it will make no difference. She won't stop.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
"Truth is stranger than fiction" (and a lot less predictable)
"GOD is good" (all the time)
W had kids yesterday so she could could have time with them before she left with OM to go sking for a week. I took the opportunity to go to the gym and go shopping a "Le Goodwill" for some clothes for myself and the kids. They were having a 50% off sale and would you believe I got a leather biker jacket with the original price tag of $550 still on it for $20 ?!?! GOD is good.
While I was unavailable (I don't take cell into gym and left it in car while I was shopping). OM called W because they had to leave early to go to CO. He is a private pilot, clients decided to go early. He left wife behind because she couldn't get me on phone and she had kids.
When I returned her 4 voicemails and 8 calls on my phone I expected capital punishment for myself but she showed no anger. Huh? She was a little frustrated but a few months ago that would have been more than enough reason for a reaming of biblical proportions.
So this morning I'm taking her to airport to catch a plane so she can fly to Co to go sking with OM in the ski clothes I loaned her while I take care of her dogs, take her trash out and take care of our children on her week (in the house that jack built)and I love it! Why?
She is acting "normal". She didn't spew. She said she wanted me to take her to the airport instead of her family because she feels they have abandoned her.
One of my strategies has been to be the better man and no matter how everything else turns out in the end I will be the better man.
GOD is good!
Last edited by sleeper; 12/30/0710:37 AM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
W returned from CO today. I took kids to her as she missed them and wanted to spend time with them (I've basicaly had them for two weeks). OM was at house when I droped kids off, she made a point to say he'd just come by (like I don't know he was flying the f!@#$%g plane?) OM asks me and kids how our "new year has been so far" (truth is stranger than fiction). I said "fine", thought, would have been a lot better without you around. Would anyone care to believe I had a GUN in my hand at the time as I was returning W's car and transferring said gun from her car back to mine? Of course, OM did not know this as it was in a bag.
It gets better. W has called me about three times since then. the last time she asked for clothes for kids so she could take them to CHURCH in the morning! I didn't know we had a church of the once seperated, f!@#$%g another man, of the immaculate deception in town!
I am now taking a few deep breaths.
Oh yea, I gotta go take some of the kids clothes by the house like I promised.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Took kid's clothes to W's (our) house. Left them on the front porch. Of course, OM's car was in driveway. I'm beginning to think they're joined at the hip.
Cooled down and had time to think. W asked if I could take kids for a couple of days so she could catch up on work from when she was on ski trip. What do you think guys? Should I?
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
