So, the lesson here is that yes, I did all the right things to help my wife through her crisis, her affair, and her growth. But I sacrificed myself when I did all this. In the end there was nothing left for me, and I guess even though she went through a lot of growth, the bottom line is she isn't the woman who can handle my intensity. She NEEDS a 'rock'. That's who she is.
So, if we're to be together then I have to handle it myself, still alone. Like Jeff223 said "You will be [alone]".
I was thinking about how my wife wants to 'move forward' with her life instead of staying 'stuck' while I am miserable. What makes AmyC, for example, different in that she seems willing to do 'whatever it takes' to help her husband heal his wounds?
Sometimes I think it's the current 'me' attitude where it's all about getting what 'you' need out of life and if you're in a relationship where the other person isn't growing at all then it's bad for 'you'. I guess I understand that.
My wife points out that our relationship used to be one of 'rescuing' each other. Mostly I rescued her but it went both ways until I was the one in the most need, and she wasn't a person who was strong enough.
But then, all the 'man' books I read talk about how we, as men, are not supposed to need the 'emotional' support of our women. We should be getting that from other men and from within.
So, it's kind of like men aren't supposed to complain if their wife isn't able to deal with them when they are really crashing. AmyC seems to be the exception, not the rule.
It doesn't seem fair, but maybe that's the 'little boy' complaining.
Anyway, I almost just want her to go because it seems like she is weak to me. But maybe that's not it. Maybe it's that I'm too strong, even in my weakness.
