Casey, really sorry it had to happen that way. The feeling of finding H at ows is a hard one to drown out. I was really thirsty so I went a few times on gut instinct and continued the drowning.

You don't sound ready to be done with this yet. You do sound still very angry. Get a hold of that and don't let it work against you. Any feelings of love that you may still have is drowned out in anger.

Can you go dark? I know you have D6 to coparent, but set up schedules in advance and if H doesn't show then make yourself unavailable with D6. Be proactice in how he moves his stuff out of the joint house. Do not set yourself up for more hurt or a reason to feel worse. Prepare yourself.

Have you gone out yet and volunteered or gone to the library? Do something to get your mind off of H, it will eat you up.

What can you smile about today?

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.