I'm sorry you are here. And I am so sorry that you and your children are in pain.
I don't necessarily have answers to your questions, but wanted to relay something to you based on my own experience.
My H was also going to take care of us. At the beginning, right after the speech, said I could have the home, our rental property, anything I wanted just so I wouldn't hate him.
I did nothing so I wouldn't rock the boat....thinking of course that H would take care of me and the kids. Our relationship is "friendly" - only one occassion of spewing.
That was six months ago. One month ago he handed me a proposed property settlement. It wasn't anywhere close to what he said at the beginning.
A friend of mine who is a divorce lawyer told me to settle the financial stuff quickly. She said that, as the guilt eases, so does the generosity. I regret not having him put his words on paper at the beginning. It will now be a fight.
Just because you take care of yourself financially doesn't mean that you need to stop standing, if that is what you are doing. It just means that you are protecting yourself and your children. The money side of this is the business side. It has to remain separate from DBing.
I would also keep the parental agreement separate from the financial stuff so it doesn't appear that the kids are being used as pawns for more money, etc. Do you think that custody will be an issue?
As far as trying to stop calling him and communicating with him...come here instead when you feel the need to talk to him. Or write him a letter and throw it away and don't mail it. But talking to him now will just push him away. It will do the exact opposite of what you want to happen.
Be still. Concentrate on your children now. Concentrate on you right now.
