Question about MLC and MLC'ers desire to help

[mishka422]

Monkeybug -

Your story is so eerily similar to mine it's scary! Stay strong! Do not call him, text him, don't cry in front of him unless he is spilling his guts to you and wants you to do the same.....honestly.

I understand the pain of the WAH rejection. It's exquisite and enormous but you will get through this.

If your husband has vowed to keep up with paying the bills then do not freak out about it until he proves otherwise. I had the same panic attack and opened my own checking account (which really isn't a bad idea anyway) and got the joint credit card back from him (he actually voluntarily gave it up when I showed him the balance). He too said he would still help with everything I needed, taking my mom back and forth to dialysis, S13 to karate, oil changes, heavy lifting, you name it. Knowing my husband the way I do I had to tell him that was fine but know in my head that I wasn't going to ask him to do anything at all unless he contacted me first about it.

You have to let him make the first moves back toward you otherwise he will run for the hills and become more beligerent. When you see him, DO NOT HOVER around him even though that is your first instinct (I'm wrestling with this right now as MLCWAH just moved back in to the house and is a mopey, crying mess). I can tell you though, be careful in phone conversations with them. I found out today that my H thought I was being cold and aloof on the phone with him and decided in his warped little MLC mind that I had moved on and found someone else. Oh yeah, some else would want this weepy, pitiful, mess of a woman I have become.

When he is ready to break down and talk to you (with no prompting from you) he will pour out all sorts of things to you that you will think are complete rubbish but just listen, nod and agree. Then, if you have grievances in your M and you feel comfortable with his attitude at the moment, AIR THEM. My H was totally receptive to what I was saying I was dissatisfied with in our M and seemed genuinely mystified that I was not completely content.

We're struggling really hard right now. My H filed for D yesterday morning and came to pick up S13 last night to go to a movie. I asked for the garage door opener and keys back since he decided to leave and he broke down and let it all flow.....for 2 hours.....and so did I. He moved back in today (without me asking him, he did it on his own) and we have agreed to work really hard for 2 months and reevaluate. My H is NOT a reader and doesn't believe in any self-help books so getting him to read Michele's books is not an option. That's ok though.....USE THEM and use these boards. These people are complete Godsends. They are a wealth of knowledge and support. Don't ever take anything said here personally, take it for what it is....tough love.

Hugs to you monkeybug and to your kids. I'll be praying for your family.