All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[seekpeaceofmind]

I hope others will chime in here ... any LBS girls felt they had to romance their WAH?

Doing active pursuit/romancing seems counter to the DB principles, but every situation has its own unique twists. . . .

I just read a few good posts on this in "Nuggets of Widsom from the Veterans- Chapter 3":

1. We talk a lot about not pursuing here - mostly because pleading, begging, crying, whining makes us look pretty unnattractive and makes them want to run from us. However, I do think some small percentage of women leave because they think that will make their H's wake up and notice them. If you can pursue CONFIDENTLY, not weakly, that might be worth trying - experiment and monitor your results.

2. When you write a book for hundreds of thousands of people, you have to offer general advice that people can apply to their own situations. Since everyone is different, the methods need some modifying, depending on your circumstance. In general, backing off - not begging, pleading, or crying- is very important when one spouse is leaving. However, it gets somewhat tricky after that.

Since your husband felt unloved and unappreciated, if all you do is back off, he might just think, "See, she doesn't love me, I knew it." The trick for you is to allow him to initiate all contact right now, but if he is kind, complimentary, interested, you should certainly reciprocate in kind. You might even test the waters from time to time by asking him about himself, his life, and so on. See if he's responsive. IF you get a positive reaction, it's a clue that you can take more risks gradually.