I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

So, yesterday, I sent H a text msg to find out what he wanted me to do with his mail. He finally replied after a couple of hours that he has been out sick for a few days with double pneumonia. He asked if he could come over today and I said yes.
He didn't give me a time and showed up about 11:30 - I assumed he wouldn't be over until afternoon. I wasn't expecting him or waiting around and so his arrival was low key, which I thought worked out well. The dogs made a big fuss with him - they love attention and can make you feel very missed. He accepted some tea and we talked a while. I asked how much time he was out of work and he said he didn't know - maybe a week. I had done some shoveling this a.m. (we are having major snow this year). He said that he would clear the roofs, which I objected to both due to pneumonia and recent hernia surgery. Then I said "I'll let you do when you think best." I think autonomy is one of his big issues right now so I caught myself and made a little joke out of saying that I would "let him" and changed it to saying I would respect his choice and asked as I was doing so if I could give him a kiss - and kissed his forehead. I don't know if he was actually pleased, but I think he was at least ok with it.

Honestly, all of this second-guessing myself and trying to get in someone's head - when that person is not very forthcoming - is enough to drive me nuts.

So he took care of the snow and ice on the roof (including unblocking my satellite dish - can't be without TV!). I really appreciated it and I think he wanted to help take care of things.

After that was done, he declined any lunch but said he would have another cup of tea. I did't really want to just sit around and talk again because I thought it would get awkward, so I asked if he wanted to play Yahtzee while we had tea. Sounds dumb, but it's something to do and focus on to keep it more light and easy. While we played a couple of rounds we talked some more - no R talk, but we started to get into finances which gets right to the edge of R talk. Because he now has an apartment and whatever related expenses and also bought a car for his use after he moved, our finances are in a very different place than before. Make that my finances. . . Anyway, I felt like it went ok.