I had the affair and now my marriage appears Over

[fooled again]

Hi LH,

I love what you wrote here:

- My W is beautiful. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes and a smile that lights up the room.
- My W is athletic. We love to go running together and have done a half marathon together. We used to run all the time before kids. She has run on her own since the kids. You would NEVER know she has had two kids (first one almost 10.5 lb., and the second almost 10 lb).
- My W is very smart. Not only does she have a masters, she has finished the Sunday NYT crossword puzzle. We both love to read
- My W has a great laugh and smile. She makes my heart melt from across the room.
- My W is the best mom in the whole world. She has invested so much with our kids and they are just as smart as she is. She is there when they cry, she gets them back to sleep at night, and she is there to share their joys.

I'm sure you didn't think about all those things during your A, and that's the sad thing, but if only she could know what you love about her, that you are proud of her. Finding out about your S's A really sucks the self-esteem right out of you. She may tell you she doesn't want to hear those things, but I know how it would make me feel to hear my H tell me something like that. Especially now that I think he has been in contact again w/ OW and probably is either seeing her again or contemplating it.

I hope that you honestly know what you want at this point, b/c if you start to win her back and you have second thoughts or can't give her what she needs, you will push her even further away. Just remember that in her mind there will be doubts for a very long time and it is up to you and only you to keep doing whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make her believe in you again.

Good luck & don't give up.
FA