Well, had my drama for the day. I decided to hook up my messenger and chat with people I haven't talked with in awhile. When I turned it on, I saw W screen name and it had a pic of her and OM. I lost it! I know that she is still trying to keep it a secret from me and I have not said anything to her in hopes she will come to me and say it but I don't know....I just lost it. I so tell her maybe you should have me blocked from this too (like she did with her myspace) at least you won't have to lie.
She then calls furious saying trying to downplay this. Saying things like you know I visit him and we are friends. I felt like I was starting to shrink as she attacked me, and I did a little bit. But for the most part I stood my ground (bend but don't break!) I go its kind of a cozy picture don't you think? She then gets even more angry and says don't you take pictures like that with your friends? I said no. She gets angry and keeps asking. I say no. So she tells me to take out old high school photos to see pics of me being cozy with girls. In my head, I'm like high school? Are you kidding me? You have to reach that deep to find some stuff on me. Wow!
She then proceeds about the letter I wrote. I wrote her a letter introducing myself with the intent of establishing a new friendship with her. This was before I sat and thought about what she did with the kids. I'm not so sure now.
Anyways, she got mad because I added a P.S. The p.s. went along the lines of I don't want charity from you. If you don't want to write me then don't but don't write me to be nice. If you seriously want to get to know me then write. She got mad at that and I said it is what it is. I would like you to take me seriously in a non threatening manner. But if you can't then don't write. She says if I did not want to write then I wouldn't. I said I just wanted to clarify myself because I want only the real you...not the nice you. We've gone that route before. I don't want that and I'm tired of that eggshell feeling. I don't ever want that feeling around me or someone to feel that way about me ever again. And thats my bottom line.
So afterwards the subject changed and we went back to small talk. She asked the next I was coming down I told her and asked why. She said just wondering. Which means that she will leave again to be with OM.
Why do I keep fighting? Because I want my family. I know I'm making progress too because she immediately changed her pic during our conversation and she still has not blocked me. That means something. Hopefully its positive.
