Your right life is not fair, i still am in a little shock over the last email, they stopped for about a week, her attorney was probably on vacation so now they start up again. I think its good you are getting some time for you, have fun
Me 35 W 26 S 3 D 10 months I have custody Bomb 11/9/07 W PA 10/07 ended 2/08 Removed W from house 11/16/07 I filed in Nov. D put on hold http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1268484&page=6&fpart=16
Thanks for the support. I need this time for me right now. Really going through a lot of self inventory and evaluation at this time and I really have no decision making capability. Just working my head out. Trying to keep the day filled up with activities and do what I have to do. I'm not setting a time limit on anything but one of my goals for the new year is that I take 30 days to really decide what I'm doing, where I'm going and what I want out of life.
I don't know if this is due to work or what, but over the holidays, I had two clients with cancer, each emergency calls to come sign estate doc's. Both were dead within days. You got one shot at this people don't waste time doing things you don't want to do.
W picked up S last night from my mothers place. W hasn't seen my mother since she left back in June, except at the Court, which there were words exchanged. Oddly enough, my W is still mad about this, "How could your mother not have the decency to say hi?" Hmmm...I don't know, maybe because she thinks your throwing away your family, hurting her grandson, and yourself.
Well I waited until I knew she got them and sent a text. "Hey thanks for doing that, I'm sure it wasn't easy." She replied with, "Your parents were a delight, we talked for a few." Maybe this will let W know she is loved and the plate of crow that she thinks awaits her isn't is large or even there like she thinks it is.
I have a good weekend planned ahead, hanging out with some good friends. Just really enjoying things right now and not letting much get me down. No expectations on my part with W. I sure wish she would come back over to watch a movie or something. It's so nice to have her presence in the house.
Oddly enough, we have had text messages almost nightly since her sister has been in town. While they are very close, they tend to really push each other to party hard and club when they are around. But each time W has sent a text she has gone out of her way to say, oh we are playing x or doing x at my place with S, SIL, and her H. I think out of a whole week they have been out on the town once. Which would be a new world record for them.
Wait and see mode. Well not really, just a ME mode right now. Lets talk about MEEEEE! Haha!
Alright, Mr. Toby Keith. I'll get back to your email tonight/tomorrow. Unplugged mentally from all responsibility and thinking about anything other than what movie to watch or game to play for about a week. It was wonderful.
Hang in there. Lots of positives going on with you yourself and you and the W. Hang in there. FWIW, I think you're doing alot right.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
W called tonight, hasn't done that in a while. Well of course she needs a sitter for tomorrow, her mother is sick. I'm fine with that. I haven't seen S since Wed. and wouldn't see him until Tuesday, almost a week. So I'll have him during the day. Thomas the train time, yaaaa!
Good night planned tomorrow, so that will be good. Tonight has been fun, but I'm so tired right now, I decided to pack it in.
W actually asked how I was doing, said I'm doing great. Just wondering what she is thinking or feeling.
But I need to stick to my plan. January is reflection month for me. I need to decide what I want in life and then make it happen. Not really a resolution type person, but more of a analysis type and then review the ideas and go with the good ones.
I meet a couple of great women last night. Got numbers, and we were all out eating as a group, just having fun. So nothing serious or anything, just looking for more and more friends at this point.
Unfortunetly, so many people ask me and others, what would it look like if your W did come back. What would be the baby steps look like. Honestly, I think I'm afraid to answer that question and make a list, because I think I'm coming to terms that I won't see them, it only be more of the same behavior.
I did a small inventory the other day, and found, I've been exercising again, but only for a few short weeks. I've done lots of C'ing, quit drinking. Will quit smoking sometime within a month. Read everything I can on R's, learned how to communicate with women. Started bringing in my own clients to my practice. But what has W done.
W has had an A, now has a nose ring, lives in a crappy apartment, took me to court. Tried to take our S from me. Has lied to her family about me. I still think the OM or other OM are involved.
So I hate making these types of inventories, not real encouraging. But I do have so much to be grateful for. I'm not ready to date, and I did for a while post up on a dating site and had responses pretty quickly, but felt bad turning everyone away, so I ditched that idea for now. Just not ready to date.
W keeps saying she is doing x, but then does y and no results. It just doesn't seem to move forward. I could make the list and I'll have make that list of what it would look like and soon, since I'm going into take a break mode and need to watch.
Overall though my PMA is great, I have made some new friends and we are having a great time together. Seems like each weekend I meet new people and have more and more fun. Does this mean I don't love my W, no. That I wouldn't work on things with her, of course I would. But I don't know if I'm just starting to accept it or what, but I don't see it happening.
I think you're in a good place, doing exactly what you should be doing, having a good PMA and a lot of fun with no expectations wahatsoever about your W. You're living your life for you, and seem well prepared to continue that, no matter what W decides to do.
As you say, this doesn't mean you don't love your W and wouldn't want to work on things with her, just means that if she ever does come around she'll have to make a lot of noticeable changes and you'll be able to make an informed decision at that time. Keep it up!
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
So two steps back this am. W brought S by, she was very nice and said she wanted to hang out tonight. Her sister had left town.
Well after she leaves, S is running around saying OM this, OM that. On and on. Well thinking my gut has been telling me something all week, and SIL supports the OM and not me.
So stupid me, sends a text to W "Is he back in the picture?" A few minutes later I get a call, she is royally pissed. "Why would you ask that." Well our S is walking around the house repeating his name and saying they did this, that etc. W is like I have not seen him since I told you last, and that the is the truth. You have to accept it. But not the best tone.
She didn't cancel tonight, not yet at least. I know I made a huge mistake, but it pisses me off that she can't reassure anything. I guess when she doesn't know if she wants our R, why would she. Oh well, I'm pretty much trying to let it roll off my back. If she does cancel I have a whole evening lined up with a group of friends. So either way should be a fun night.
Hey Atlas, you can give yourself all the 2X4s you like but at the end of the day we are all human and the fact that S was mentionning his name.....hopefully your wife is telling the truth and will understand your text message. It's not like you checked her cell phone, your S mentionned it. I hope you get the chance to apologize (explain your text message)at supper this evening.
The other thing that kills me, is she asks to hang out. But if she is telling the truth about no OM, well then SIL is gone, everyone is gone. So when she is alone and has no one else, I'm good enough. At least I know where I'm at on the list.
Maybe I should flip the list over, then I'm at the top. Or just be grateful I'm on the list period.
It is better in the outcomes to look as if the cup is half full rather then half empty.
I'll keep my expectations low, I already have a back up plan in case I'm ditched. We will see.
I guess what it is, is the blame game. I have to let it go. If i live with one foot in the past and one in the future, I'm just going to end up pissing all over myself. Sorry for the image for some. I need to just stay in the moment and enjoy. It's better to take inventory after an experiance rather then during it. Just enjoy what I do have and what I'm doing.
