MLC affairs vs Average Affairs

[cagzmom]

I dont think my H was a chronic cheater before. Just maybe a couple one night 'quickies'. Or that is what he told me. He will not admit and denies the affair I was told about by his girlfriend.

I am trying to focus more on me. I am.

Ok my friend...one nighter - is a cheat..sorry. If he was willing during your marriage to have a one nighter then this A was a definate possiblity.

I agree with RCR in regards to your stuff Kissak. I KNOW you love your H. AND IT IS TIME THAT YOU get to LOVE YOU!! I am sorry he has been so hurtful to you. I am sorry that he is so filled with himself that he doesn't stop to think about WHO he is hurting. I AM so truly sorry.

[MissH]

RCR, thank you for posting on this thread. You always have such a wealth of information.

I just wanted to highlight one thing that I disagree with.

Forget the MLC Script (I think he's too young),

Kissack's H is 33, mine is 32. My H has followed the MLC script to a T. Everyone here has basically said that he is sooooo...MLC. Now they are not professionals, but our MC was. Our MC believes that my H is going through a MLC, an early one. From the books I read, it can happend to someone early if they have a very troubled childhood, have gotten married early, and established a career early. My H fits under all of that. I don't believe you can just rule out MLC if the peson fits into all the sayings and categories just because they aren't in the 35 years or above age. I don't remember if it was Conway that said it but somewhere I read it can start at 35 but sometimes even a little earlier.

[theotherhalf]

I have to appear strong and independant

WRONG!!!!

You have to BE strong and independant!!!

For you, for your children and for your H!

[Rollercoasterider]

MrsH,

What are you really disagreeing with...I did not rule Kissak's husband out simply due to age and I have not made a judgement that yours is not MLC. That statement was for Kissak's husband alone.
Age is a factor; not the only factor. But those who are cheating but did not want to be WAHs may have behaviour that is MLC--confusion, changes mind, anger...

Kissak's husbands issues are deeper than that--deeper than a single affair mistake (single not being one night stand but relationship). Sometimes a person thinks it may be a one nighter and they get caught by the OW and by their emotions.

There are also life transitions every 7-10 years. The transition at midlife is considered the most tumultuous.

Conway gave a range of 35-50
I believe Jung gave a range of 40-50.
I would give a range of 37-45 with outliers...so not all will fit in that range, but the greater scatter will be there...and no, I have not done an official data collection, it's all speculative.

[MissH]

RCR, my intent was never to put you down, so I hope you didn't feel that way. I know you have done a lot of research on MLC. I wasn't really talking about Kissack's sitch as I was just going by this

Forget the MLC Script (I think he's too young)

From what I gathered from what you wrote in parenthesis (sp?) was that the reasoning to forget about the MLC script was because of his age. I went with that reason you left. At least that is how I read it. I just wanted to point out that his age of 33 really doesn't necessarily mean he isn't having a MLC.

I don't keep up with Kissack's thread all the time so I can't make judgement whether he is in MLC or not. I am sure you can judge that more. I was just thinking that at the time you were just basing the fact of his age that he wasn't in MLC.

I hope I am explaining myself right. I do value your insight, so please don't think I don't.

[angelica]

MrsH and RCR - My h is an older MLCer, over 50 - I agree that age can be an issue, but it is the PATTERN that fits.
In my h's case - physically very youthful in appearance, most people took him for 10 year younger prior to MLC. Interestingly he has aged enormously during MLC and now looks at least his age . . .

Mrsh I think your h sounds classic MLC even though there is more than 20 years between yours and mine!

A

[MidwesternGirl]

I remember in the beginning of all of this, my H DID NOT consider this an affair.

He is older, too, will be 52 in a few weeks, and OW is six months older than he with two grown kids and a few grandkids.

My H is balding a lot but you would never know it because he wears baseball caps all the time. I just had to throw that in!!

[angelica]

Sf - no my husband didn't think he was having an affair - it wasn't adultery because he considered the marriage was over, and also he was 'in love'.

My h's OW is very close to him in age - and looks years older than me!! Less good looking, as he has told me!

So wierd

[MidwesternGirl]

The things these men say to justify their adultery/affair!!!

This OW is what he always used to make fun of because she looks 100% gay. Her hair is still shorter than my son's, and dyed it bright red again and it is gelled straight up--looks like a porcupine.

My son said she looks just like a tweaker as she is very very old looking in the face and has lost a considerable amount of weight.

[doa180]

I remember one of our president's said, "It depends on what your definition of "is" is." :-)