I've also tried to move the focus away from myself and look at my W in a more detached manner. She looks physically drained and mentally confused, and of course in flashes of anger will blame me as the cause. She has a real roller-coaster of emotions, and if I really step back I can see the hell she's going through. Then my love and compassion kick-in...I think this is a woman who gave me the best years of her life (most of her 20s and 30s), she's in trouble and would never have planned to be here, and I need to support her as much as I can. This ability to see the WAS's struggle only comes through time and detachment. Please do not be a doormat (that's not very attractive to anyone), but see how far you can help your spouse on their journey. When we are hurt, and blaming our WASs (just like they blame us), its tough to see some aspects of the other side. I'm not condoning their crazy behaviour, and not excusing affairs, I'm just suggesting a little understanding gives perspective.
Michael, only you can decide what's best, and only you know how you feel about your W. But I'd say that 4 mths (4mths out of 20yrs together is a drop in the ocean) and feet-searching in bed is good. Obviously things can deteriorate and she can slide into oblivion, but I'd say what's the hurry. Mentally you've already proven that you are ready to press the eject button, and so why not focus your energies on detaching and GALling for a little while longer? Separation will be physically, emotionally, and probably financially exhausting. My view (and please note I'm no expert, and I'm no therapist...I'm just a guy who's gone through his nightmare and hopes all troubled long-term Ms can be rekindled) would be life's a marathon and not a sprint. Give it a little longer and see what happens. The key though is don't hang in limbo whilst you give a little more time, GAL like crazy and make the most of your life and kids. I pray your W wakes up in time before you reach your limit, and say enough.
Good luck, and live like the noble, strong and honourable man that you are.
