Well after yet another run in with h this morning at handover for d6 where we tried to go through the parenting plan, tonight I drove to his place (hadn 't been there before, it's in a new part of town that isn't on the map so it took a bit of finding). His g/f's car was there and he has my daughter this evening so it looks like he's got his g/f staying over while dd is also there (*sick feeling*). It was midnight when I rocked up. Tried calling his mobile twice, no answer. Found the intercom for the complex and rang twice before he answered. I told him I wanted to talk to him. He came down.
I told him I couldn't get past everything that has happened in the last year and I didn't think I ever could. He said, do you want a divorce. I said yes. He said fine and then bye.
I'm not crying.
I do wonder if I've done the right thing.
Looks like I've had to be the baddie and make the break. He says he wants to be with me and that he has told me over and over (yeah, while sleeping with other women) that I am who he wants to be with, yet I'm the one who has to say 'no more'. Unfortunately, I cannot be completely done with him due to d6 and that most of his stuff is in the house and the house is jointly owned, I dare say he'll come to the house whenever he feels like it and will just take all his stuff regardless of whether I want/need it and that'll be hard. He'll probably say awful things to d6 about me. That'll be harder. He'll probably pull every guilt trip in the book about all the things I've 'done wrong' and how I haven't 'tried hard enough'. man...I so want to have someone impartial look at the sitch from both perspectives and tell him he's brought this on himself.
As for me. I've been too scared to face my fears and end things with him. But have I really? divorce is just a word. I just am sick of him justifying all that he does as the result of me hurting him and not loving him the 'way that he needs'. There's heaps more that I haven't put on this forum so you guys - if fact, no one - will have the full picture. I don't have the full picture and neither does he. I feel that I have tried to walk in his shoes in the past, but I don't feel that he has done me the same courtesy. This is probably hurt talking. It's late (1.30am) - I don't want to sleep. I guess I just want to know that I've done the right thing. Only time will tell.
I just wish I didn't have to be here at all. If I didn't have dd I'd be hard pressed to find a reason to stick around full stop. I just wish I could check out of life for just a few days.
How is that he is the one who has been unfaithful (and other deal breakers which I listed for him tonight) yet I am the one feeling guilty?
