I'm 23, my H is 25. We dated for 3 years in middle/high school, broke up for a few years and reunited after high school. We've been married for 3 1/2 years, with a 3 year old d.
A couple weeks ago, I noticed H was starting to pay attention to his looks alot more- he started getting dressed better to go to work, doing his hair, etc. We'd had issues a few years ago where he was talking with women online, so I suspected that he was interested in someone at work. One night I called (he works graveyard), and they said he wasn't there- he had left early.
The next morning, i asked him how work was. He gave me the song and dance about how busy it was and how late he worked. When I confronted him, he admitted he was out with his "friend", who I highly suspect is his OW. He started yelling about how he doesn't love me, and how I make him miserable. 5 minutes into the fight, he drops the D word.
I work 8-12pm, and after work I came home to an empty apartment. He had packed all of his stuff- his clothes, his movies, his toiletries- everything. He said he was staying at his moms and left. We only have 1 car- he left me with no car, no money, no food- and our 3 y/o d.
I cried all night. The first 2 days were hell. I took a day off work, and he came by to talk. The talk lasted 10 minutes. He says he never wanted all this responsibility, he feels like he missed out. I love you but I'm not in love with you. I care about you, but I don't love you like I used to. I want a divorce. I told him that we had so much history- I had loved him through everything and I loved him still. I know all his good points and his bad points and I love all of him. He said he didn't love me. He still says he doesn't love me. I've lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks from the stress.
That was 4 days before Christmas. Since then, he's been staying at his moms. He takes our D for the weekends, and our contact is very short. I'm buying a car next week, and until then he still drives me to work. One morning, he was late picking me up because he spent the night at his OW house, and he also takes our D to go out with her.
he won't talk to me about our relationship. He won't even consider counseling or trying even a separation. He wants a divorce. He doesn't hang out with our friends much, he's immersed himself with his OW and her friends. Some days he's very cold to me, some days he's like his usual self.
the first week, i cried nonstop. The past few days, after finding this board, i've been trying some of the techniques. he hasn't warmed up much, but he seems more comfortable around me. He tells me he 100% wants a divorce. He tells me he won't even consider a separation or counseling, or working it out. He tells me that he doesn't love me.
All this that he has done to me, and I love him so much. Our marriage wasn't perfect, we both made mistakes, but I just know we could work through it. I feel like he put so little value on our marriage, on me- that he's so willing to throw it away. I'm left here with no car, no money. H wanted me to stay at home, i did for 2 1/2 years. I insisted on working p/t, and I'm so happy I did and found my job- or else we'd have nothing.
I want so much to plead with him, but I haven't in 2 days. It's so hard, but I'm trying.
His dad had mlc/ depression issues. His dad ran off a couple times on his mom before ultimately divorcing her when H was a teen. His dad and all of his uncles have been married 2 or 3 times. H also has low self esteem. i always put him up, but then he'd say that he gained weight because I cooked too much for him (or the wrong things), or that I "let" him stay home from work and that's why we had money issues, or that I "let" him spend too much money on his hobbies.
he's 25. is it too young for MLC? Everyone in our lives tell me to just let go and move on, to accept his decision and know that one day he'll regret it. H has made up his mind, and he won't even talk to me. I've been given no reason other than he doesn't love me. It's so frustrating because he won't talk to me. I've known H since I was 12 years old, we've always been able to talk. But he just won't say anything besides I don't love you like I used to.
He's also addicted to video games. Even when we had no extra income, he always bought a new game every week. Sometimes he played 30+ hours a week, while working a 40 hour workweek. Maybe he was depressed, and trying to fill the void with something?
H put up a blog online, saying that he knows he's being a d*ck and a selfish @ssh*le, and how he just wants everyone to shut up and accept it. He said he should just kill himself and end it all. I asked him about it the next day, he said he was just pissed off.
He went through a depression a few years before we got back together. Maybe he's been depressed and I didn't see it.
I love him so much. Part of me wants to give up and protect my own emotions, to harden myself and give him what he wants. But there's a small part of me that hopes. That hopes and hopes and hopes.
Honey, I don't think its an MLC with your H, he is too young for that. I think he said it right on the nose. "He knows he's being a dick and a selfish [censored]" I think that pretty much explains what;s going on. He doesn't want the responsibility of a wife and family. I feel for you, I really do, my XW walked off and left me with 2 little kids and I am a lot older than you are. A positive thing is that you are very young, this OW is older, she will tire of his crap, believe me.
