Thank you All.
I will try to remember to - Mean what I say, and say what I mean, Just not be mean when I say it.

this is a total 180* for me. Stopping any and all attempts to "fix" this. I am jumping off the see-saw.
I just need to really stick to it now.

I am seeing the kids here and there for a few minutes and talking on the phone with them a few times during the day.