I never called her names. Never called her a beee-atch. Never berated her, or criticized her to anyone else. I loved her and respected her as a mother. She says now that I limited or restricted her hobbies, but I don't recall ever doing that. I put an art studio in our home, refinished it myself, for her. I encouraged her to pursue art and made changes in my schedule to encourage it. I delighted in her art. She took art classes and bellydancing classes and I re-arranged my schedule to allow her to do it. She took cooking classes; I gave her the subscription. She went out with girlfriends, I never asked her not to. I stayed home with the kids to let her go out, never complained about the friends she had. I thought it was great that she had friends.
We paid to rescue her alcoholic mother a couple times from bankruptcy. Tens of thousands of dollars. I didn't hold it over her head. It was her MOTHER, what else would we do? Of course we would pay to help her out. Now she says I tried to restrict her relationship with her mom. I can't understand this.
I never restricted the finances. She had full control over the money. I told her now, you know, divorce means we don't get to live like we do. She says I threatened that I would stop "paying for her." It's just the FACTS, wife!
She tells me now that I never seemed happy. How can I argue with that kind of statement? I was happy! I was living the dream! A healthy family, 4 beautiful kids, a safe and comfortable home, a beautiful wife, friends and family around us.
I'll tell you, I behaved badly after the affair. I threw her out of the house on the first night. I read her diary (it was 5 entries over the course of 14 years, every one of them was negative, a report on how bad I was). I read her email (she was still emailing OM). I was very emotional, in front of the kids. But this was while she was still WITH THE MAN.
For all of that, I am the bad guy, the abuser, and she is the innocent victim? Ok, I behaved badly, but first, it was an AFFAIR, for peets sake. It was a terrible shock to me. And second, I didn't do this stuff before. I didn't read her email or diary before I found out about the affair. When she had a $700 phone bill I didn't suspect her. I trusted her completely. Utterly. I didn't check the credit card statements.
I get that my behavior traumatized her, but can we not just put down the weapons now? Why are we divorcing!?!?!?!?!? Why are we not reconciling instead!?!?!?
Can we just take one step towards each other and help each other heal? (NO! That is ABUSIVE!!!) Can we not just CALL OFF THE LAWYERS?
Sheesh!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
