W called tonight, hasn't done that in a while. Well of course she needs a sitter for tomorrow, her mother is sick. I'm fine with that. I haven't seen S since Wed. and wouldn't see him until Tuesday, almost a week. So I'll have him during the day. Thomas the train time, yaaaa!
Good night planned tomorrow, so that will be good. Tonight has been fun, but I'm so tired right now, I decided to pack it in.
W actually asked how I was doing, said I'm doing great. Just wondering what she is thinking or feeling.
But I need to stick to my plan. January is reflection month for me. I need to decide what I want in life and then make it happen. Not really a resolution type person, but more of a analysis type and then review the ideas and go with the good ones.
I meet a couple of great women last night. Got numbers, and we were all out eating as a group, just having fun. So nothing serious or anything, just looking for more and more friends at this point.
Unfortunetly, so many people ask me and others, what would it look like if your W did come back. What would be the baby steps look like. Honestly, I think I'm afraid to answer that question and make a list, because I think I'm coming to terms that I won't see them, it only be more of the same behavior.
I did a small inventory the other day, and found, I've been exercising again, but only for a few short weeks. I've done lots of C'ing, quit drinking. Will quit smoking sometime within a month. Read everything I can on R's, learned how to communicate with women. Started bringing in my own clients to my practice. But what has W done.
W has had an A, now has a nose ring, lives in a crappy apartment, took me to court. Tried to take our S from me. Has lied to her family about me. I still think the OM or other OM are involved.
So I hate making these types of inventories, not real encouraging. But I do have so much to be grateful for. I'm not ready to date, and I did for a while post up on a dating site and had responses pretty quickly, but felt bad turning everyone away, so I ditched that idea for now. Just not ready to date.
W keeps saying she is doing x, but then does y and no results. It just doesn't seem to move forward. I could make the list and I'll have make that list of what it would look like and soon, since I'm going into take a break mode and need to watch.
Overall though my PMA is great, I have made some new friends and we are having a great time together. Seems like each weekend I meet new people and have more and more fun. Does this mean I don't love my W, no. That I wouldn't work on things with her, of course I would. But I don't know if I'm just starting to accept it or what, but I don't see it happening.
