WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[jab]

Hi everyone,

A status update since my last post. W has been spending alot of time with me at apt. Things still going fairly well but there are still 'bumps' in the road. Our R/M certainly isn't where I want it to ultimately be but alot of progress has been made over the last month. Some issues are being worked on, there are others that lie on the 'backburner'. I think I/we can only work on so many things at a time and the task of fully repairing our R/M will take quite a bit more time & effort. Intimacy is returning. There has been alot more talk about 'us' in the future and not just 'her' or 'I'. The rollercoaster does continue but the dips are not as extreme as before. Right now, there are a few big issues. The biggest issues in my eyes right now that are stalling significant further progress are these:
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1) W loves the way I have been lately but still does not believe or trust that the changes are permanent. She is so damn afraid of me returning to my bad ways & doesn't want to go through this again. Everytime she brings this up I validate her & tell her basically that I am now being who I am/should be/want to be & that I'm not going to do those negative things/be that 'boy' again, I realize now that it was wrong, etc..but that I understand her distrust & fear. I mention that I am doing what I can & need to do but I cannot MAKE her trust me...maybe TIME & consistency on my part will alieviate some of her distrust & fear.

2) This S helped our R/M at first, but I believe that it is starting to hurt. It is becoming a huge inconvenience & burden but I cannot change my living arrangement for at least a month or two. IMHO at this point or in the near future it would be better for us to be living under 1 roof. There are still advantages to being seperated, but IMHO the negatives are beginning to outweigh the positives. Along the same lines, home detention & DUI sentencing stipulations are hindering my GAL'ing & 'putting salt on the wounds' of our R/M. Fortunately, I am knocking out the requirements one by one. I won't be able to put this behind me until next August when I complete everything on the list & get my driving privileges back.

3) No really constructive MC or couples therapy yet. I did bring this up today since the holidays have ended & our R/M seems to be moving in a positive direction. I truly believe that it would help our situation, I think we are both ready (at least close to it), but I do not want to pressure her into it I want her to want it. I basically told her that I haven't brought it up because I didn't want to feel like I was pressuring her. I suggested that maybe we give it a try sometime in the near future.
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A phenomenon that is happening is when W is with me, there is usually intimacy & a sense of closeness. When W is not with me, W gets worried about future, distances herself some, becomes more negative about things, then I have to wait for her to 'drift back to me' again. This has been a weekly theme over the holidays. 1/2 the week she is very close & intimate (when she is staying at apt), 1/2 the week she becomes fearful & distant (when she is working and not staying at my apt). From reading some other posts, this seems typical. I'm trying to be very patient & just trying to be consistent with my actions.

W's birthday is on Sunday. I ordered flowers to be delivered tomorrow to her. I think they will go over well & I put a nice, thoughtful msg on the card. W seems a little down that she has to work that day & that we/she cannot do anything special for the occasion, so I hope the flowers & msg helps a little.

I prob won't see W until Monday, she works all weekend. I told her she could 'visit' me anytime. She was kind of distant & depressed tonight when she dropped of the kids so I don't know what will happen.

Well, if there are any insights or suggestions for me I'd sure appreciate them. I am wondering if any of the 'experts' can tell me where our R/M currently stands in the overall scheme of things, what I should expect & should be doing moving forward & what forum I should be continuing my thread in (as well as reading for advice) when this one fills up.

I want to reiterate that I couldn't have done what I have so far without DB. I truly believe that if I didn't find this site, my M would be over at this point & D papers delivered or on their way. I thank God for giving me strength & leading me to this site. I thank everyone that has given me advice on this site for their understanding & guidance.