Am I trying to "get her to do something"? YES. I, like many people on this board, am trying to get her to stop this divorce. Only she can do that.
When you achieve that kind of power, you should bottle it and sell it to the rest of the WAS on these boards...you'll make a fortune. In the mean time, you are pursuing. She is very aware that you want her to come back to the marriage--you have told her explicitly. So she is in the driver's seat on that front.
Here comes the 2X4
The problem is that she is in the driver's seat everywhere else as well. She lives in the house, has access to every cent you earn, has the kids daily and gets to raise them as she sees fit--all at your expense but wthout your input. That my friend, is a position of power. Why would she make any changes whatsoever?
You haven't done anything about this situation because you are afraid that she will perceive that kind of action as "moving toward divorce." You're living your life in fear and letting your (cheating) wife dictate the terms. She has not dealt with a single consequence of her choices--you protected her from them. So far the only person suffering from her choices is you.
As for her not "dating" OM any more--believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.
The irony in this process is that you have to get to the point at which you are ready for divorce before you can work on the marriage. You have to resolve all of the regrets you have about the course of your marriage and make the positive changes required to do it right the next time. Then you are operating from a position of power. At that point, your W might look at you and say "wow I don't remember him that way." Then maybe you can move forward.
You thanked me for my input on your other thread. I hope you don't regret it now ;-)
