Detaching and GALling isn't easy. Its taken me 15 months of hell to reach a point of fuzzy understanding.
I'll give you an example of the mental gymnastics that I still go through. My W and 2 daughters are returning from vacations tomorrow, and I've had anxious moments thinking...Will she smile? Will she growl? Should I hug her? Should I just be polite and focus on the girls? Should I leave a rose by her bedside, like I've always done or will that be too much pressure (I left a white flower, but have decided that's too wimpy and vague...it should either be a rose of love or nothing...I'm going to finish this email and remove the flower). In the past this thinking would have reduced me to a daze with my mushy brain sloshing around in my head. I'm now consciously making an effort to stop these feelings and just let go. Focus on the now, focus on my girls and put my W into softfocus in the background. It takes a huge effort to put our WASs into the background. But we need to force this change in behaviour until it starts becoming automatic. I will not let my WAW control me and affect me. Karen you to need to focus on freeing yourself. Its hard, but time and discipline will get you there.
Be the best woman you can, and your H will come back to you. If he doesn't then you will be so strong that you will feel sorry for his loss, shrug your shoulders and continue living.
