It's still good if you have someone (or lots of someones) in real life who can be there with you in person and still be safe. Filling the hole in your heart with someone else doesn't usually work well, but many find comfort in being able to talk this stuff out with someone who has a clue what it's like, or at least someone who cares about us.
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think I will always love h but just from a distance.
I do still love my ex-wife, in the "love is a decision" way, not in any romantic way anymore. She's the mother of my kids, and that will never change.
Have a great day.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Well after yet another run in with h this morning at handover for d6 where we tried to go through the parenting plan, tonight I drove to his place (hadn 't been there before, it's in a new part of town that isn't on the map so it took a bit of finding). His g/f's car was there and he has my daughter this evening so it looks like he's got his g/f staying over while dd is also there (*sick feeling*). It was midnight when I rocked up. Tried calling his mobile twice, no answer. Found the intercom for the complex and rang twice before he answered. I told him I wanted to talk to him. He came down.
I told him I couldn't get past everything that has happened in the last year and I didn't think I ever could. He said, do you want a divorce. I said yes. He said fine and then bye.
I'm not crying.
I do wonder if I've done the right thing.
Looks like I've had to be the baddie and make the break. He says he wants to be with me and that he has told me over and over (yeah, while sleeping with other women) that I am who he wants to be with, yet I'm the one who has to say 'no more'. Unfortunately, I cannot be completely done with him due to d6 and that most of his stuff is in the house and the house is jointly owned, I dare say he'll come to the house whenever he feels like it and will just take all his stuff regardless of whether I want/need it and that'll be hard. He'll probably say awful things to d6 about me. That'll be harder. He'll probably pull every guilt trip in the book about all the things I've 'done wrong' and how I haven't 'tried hard enough'. man...I so want to have someone impartial look at the sitch from both perspectives and tell him he's brought this on himself.
As for me. I've been too scared to face my fears and end things with him. But have I really? divorce is just a word. I just am sick of him justifying all that he does as the result of me hurting him and not loving him the 'way that he needs'. There's heaps more that I haven't put on this forum so you guys - if fact, no one - will have the full picture. I don't have the full picture and neither does he. I feel that I have tried to walk in his shoes in the past, but I don't feel that he has done me the same courtesy. This is probably hurt talking. It's late (1.30am) - I don't want to sleep. I guess I just want to know that I've done the right thing. Only time will tell.
I just wish I didn't have to be here at all. If I didn't have dd I'd be hard pressed to find a reason to stick around full stop. I just wish I could check out of life for just a few days.
How is that he is the one who has been unfaithful (and other deal breakers which I listed for him tonight) yet I am the one feeling guilty?
How is that he is the one who has been unfaithful (and other deal breakers which I listed for him tonight) yet I am the one feeling guilty?
You might feel guilty because you took the step you didn't want to take, telling him you want the divorce. But there's no guilt that you deserve in that. Divorcing an unrepentant unfaithful spouse, no matter what words they wield about how "they want to be with you," is a matter of self-preservation, not selfishness.
Be very good to yourself right now. Vent here, and with any safe friends you have in the real world now.
Hugs and prayers,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Thank you Joe...(((((big hugs))))) YOu have said/written very calming things for me - I majorly appreciate that right now!
I was fearful of what ppl here would say considering this is a divorce BUSTING forum.I texted my friend that I was out with tonight and my sister to let them know what I have done.
the fallout begins.....I wish I knew what was in his head.
It may be a divorce busting forum, but it is people supporting friends before that! I don't think I have ever posted to you before, but I sure feel for you, and really do understand why you did what you had to do.
Thank you Jeff. I had started to read your sitch just recently - shall go and catch up on it now!
I just read the forgiveness post in the KLA thread (I think) and already I'm starting to doubt myself.
However, I have been willing to forgive before (and have forgiven) but I've been shat on a couple more times after that. I think this is called self-preservation - tis just a pity h doesn't see it that way.
