You wrote:: I have new perspective of things, although some details still make me think, the bulk of the matter is that he's woken up from the craziness and has had a mental awakening.:::
That's exactly what I felt when I read your post today. It's like suddenly they wake up and it's so hard to explain, but it's a soul-baring thing that you KNOW is different.
********************************************** you wrote::Looking forward to go to MC, need to go with a frame of mind not to catch him in lies and inconsistencies (he said they only had lunch a few times, etc etc) but to come to an understanding, first, about being TRUTHful and about listening and voicing our opinions the constructive way. :::
Great frame of mind. He's doing what he thinks he needs to do to keep you from giving up on him.
Even the lies/omissions.
Of course, he is probably wrong, but he doesn't know that yet.
Before signing on this morning I was making out grocery lists and todo lists. At least 4 times on my lists I wrote SUAL. I was doing a crossword puzzle last night. I wrote SUAL at the top of the page. I'd put it on the bathroom mirror and refrigerator if doing so wouldn't mean I'd have to explain myself to DS and DH.
As we reach *anniversaries* of *what were you doing LAST year at this time?* *How did you spend LAST NYE?* I've been insecure and questioning everything. I need to Shut Up And Listen. I need to SUAL before I make it too hard for him to tell me the truth. I need to really figure out how much I need to know. If it's worth bringing the memory back for him (wrecking the one we are in the process of making) to get the truth.
I wrote what I did this morning and am semi-t/jing with my story because I think we are both truth seekers. The lies hurt the most because we don't want to get burned again--- we want to know where we stand.
We equate truth with trust.
Thing is, I think we can trust a liar.
Sounds whacked, but trust is a decision and these are situational lies. They were so messed up that I don't think he's sure what is and is not a lie all the time. Yet. They feel cornered and don't have the tools to tell the truth. Yet.
That said, I do not ever expect him to lie to me again. At this point, I think he would if I made him feel he had to (to keep peace, keep me, keep his family, preserve any respect I may have left for him [his thoughts, not mine!]), so I'm trying not to ask anymore questions until I'm sure the truth is necessary for healing.
He knows what he has to do to keep you. He wants to do what it takes to keep you. I'm praying he finds the strength to make this an opportunity to create a better marriage than you've ever had.
