I am feeling like I need to say something like, "H I love you and we have a problem. We have not had sex in almost a year. About six or eight months ago I made a decision not to pursue you for sex that you don't want to have and see what would happen. What has happened is that you and I have widened our distance even more. I have told you before that I would like to have sex with you no less than once a week, preferably 3 times. You have repeatedly indicated that if I backed off you would step up to the plate and initiate when you were interested. That hasn't happened. I suspect that there are deeper issues like an emotional or physical or computer affair, pornography addiction, anxiety, emotional sexual issues, depression or something like that. It isn't my place to diagnose, only to partner with you in solving our problem. I need you to get honest about it. I will email you the name of two certified sex therapists in our area whom I hope you will consider seeing. I have a bookcase full of material on sex and marriage that I hope you will consider reading and maybe even discussing with me.
While you are pursuing whatever answers are relevant to you I will stay out of it unless invited and make myself more available to you. I will make myself available to you for sex and affection on a daily basis but I won't participate in half hearted attempts. I will take responsibility for initiating sexual activity of some sort once/week sometime between Friday and Sunday. You have the right to refuse. I have no intention of leaving this marriage but there is a window of opportunity on my wholehearted effort that will eventually close if I find I am the only one trying. If you allow it to close I cannot say what kind of marriage we will have. I don't want to talk this to death and you don't need to say anything but I am willing to answer any questions you have if you are confused about anything. I will know if you have taken in what I have said by what actions you take starting immediately after this conversation. Lack of touch, disinterest and other inaction will be taken as an action.
OK, Soooooo what's holding Karen back from saying or e-mailing this?
