((((Cat)))) This is Kel-- had to change my sig. This is the best news I've seen in your sitch in a long while.
They feel like they already messed up/failed at their marriage and when needy OW points out that they have a "NEW CHANCE" to start over with a "CLEAN SLATE" to live an "Authentic" life and find the "happiness they deserve"(etc,ad nauseaum), they start to get twisted up enough that WE are the OW because they are breaking the LATEST "promise" they made.
Sooo, I don't need to tell you this, but some of the questions you asked him kind of gave me a red flag. For the breakthrough point you have reached and what you can do with it for NOW> until she is "farther gone"-- ya know?
Just be careful. Off the top of my head, from the conversation you posted above:
<< He came home and admitted that every time he went/talk to her was because he felt bad, that he felt like a coward, not wanting to hurt anyone (i told her he was already hurting me) and wondered what the hell was wrong with him, why would he do such a thing>>>
Remember, although someday when you are 70 you can hit him with your cane, right now... He already knows he's hurt you. Don't remind him of his "failure" and make it seem like it's hopeless for him to fix it or forgive himself. Been there, sweetie.
Also, please don't ask things like, "What kind of hold does she have on you...". You don't want him thinking about that.
This is what I believe is happening: This is more about him than the skank. She is nothing. She is tissue that will be discarded at the end of the day and he IS being a [censored] to lead her to believe otherwise, but he thinks he's letting her down easy because it lets him look himself in the mirror and not be so ashamed. He has to do it though. He has to face himself (and it'd be nice if he'd admit it to you... but...) and associate his unhappiness with his poor choices, not his commitment to his marriage and family.
I found a letter that my H's xwhore mailed him after he'd moved into the place we are all staying now. The struggle I STILL have not to mail it back in pieces, countering every manipulative, [censored] up sentence, is just enormous... (just sayin') The point is, I could never have imagined the spin she could put on his decision to choose his family had I not seen it.
The truth is, she got much of that spin from his words. From the lies and inaccurate portrayal of our relationship(turns out he loves his wife) he told in the beginning to the nice way he tried to end it at first by saying he just had to try to work things out for his son.
Good luck at MC today. Keep your focus on your goals. It sounds like he is in the frame of mind to start facing and fixing himself.
