emotionally detaching myself and i don't want to

[thotitwudbdifrnt]

we've only been together for 2 years. but during the time that we were dating, we lived next door to one another (practically). so we saw each other every single day.

we fell in love and it kind of surprised us both. neither of us had expected to fall in love again. then he lost his job. oh, God, this was the part i don't like. we had wanted to get married anyway, but he lost his job and we got married sooner rather than later bc of that situation. then he got depressed. all the while i am supporting a family of 4 on a small income.

then my situation changed. i graduated and got a good job. he still was trying to find one. 5 months after we got married, he got a job. one that he likes. so, while he was jobless, i thought the no sex thing was bc of that. and he said, when i get a job it will change. but it didn't. then it was bc he worked so hard and he is tired, he is sleepy. essentially that it wasn't worth putting that much effort into it (his words, not mine).

and he knows something is wrong with me. i just talked to him on the phone and for the millionth time this year, he asked me what is wrong. i tried to not answer but he gets pissy when i don't answer. he asked if it was bc he doesn't treat me like a gf any more and that i am not his gf anymore i am his w and he loves me more than he did when i was just a gf. and i admit, part of my recent feelings have been brought on by seeing other couples where the man is paying such close attn to his w, and on top of that, we saw a man get on his knees in front of a large crowd as the clock struck midnight on new years. i cried at how sweet it was. no one ever proposed to me like that.

anyway, back to the phone conversation, i told him in the kindest way possible. that i love him completely and want to be with him until i die (very much the truth). i also believe he loves me totally. but i want to feel wanted (not just needed to work two jobs, cook, clean,and help the kids with their homework) i want to feel pursued and desired and important. last night when he wouldn't hold me, i felt unimportant.

his answer was 'you know that i love you and you are important to me. and that i am in love with you. i tell you all the time. and i give you kisses and hug you (he does but they are not 'in love' hugs). so why should i have to do all that?'

in essence, i do know that he loves me. he said he just doesn't feel lovey-dovey right now. and he places it all on me. and tells me that he is going to get mad and things are going to go down hill if i withdraw. then he said that now he isn't going to make any jokes about what we will be like when we are old and still together bc he doesn't know that it will be true. that HURT. and i said so.

maybe i am missing something. i still don't know what to do, though.