I am glad to meet you but sorry that it had to be under these circumstances.
Take a breath honey....
OK, first...yes I am African-American and I am from the Chi...WESTSIIIIDE!!!!
Seriously though...I completely agree with your point of view about marriage in our community. I see this as a problem as well even though I came from a family who values marriage (my parents were married for 42 years before my Dad passed away).
Second...I feel for you. I really do. When I first came to this board my H had just walked out on me about a week prior. I read so many of these stories and felt the heartbreak on this board and thought, 'OMG!! These people have been separated for months! It's only been a week or so for me and I CAN'T STAND IT!!!' I never thought this would happen to me so I couldn't believe that I would be able to handle H being gone for months at a time. Here I am a year later and now thinking, I don't even know if I want this fool no more!
Now....if you're on this board have you started your own personal thread? You will get invaluable advice here, comfort, and a few knocks up-side the head (if necessary) It will also be good for you because you can come here to vent instead of going off on your H. Let it out here...
First things first, you need to make a conscious decision as to whether you want to try to save your marriage. This is the first thing you have to do. If you decide to save it then prepare yourself cuz it's not going to be easy and it is going to take a lot of patience on your part...A LOT. You will have to endure things that you otherwise would not and you will have to do a lot of soul-searching to find the things in yourself that might need to be addressed.
If you have not bought any of Michele's books, I would advise, do so immediately. Read them...then read them again. Follow what she says. Call and set up a counseling session for yourself if you need to. They are very helpful and can get you started in getting your life and your emotions in check.
Hope, you must realize that the man you married is gone. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally, etc. The man you married may come back...he may not. But don't despair...that doesn't mean that he can't be a better man if/when he does comes back. It does mean that YOU can be better if he DOES NOT come back.
Lastly, take care of you and your child. This is your focus now. You cannot fix your H, you cannot change his mind, you cannot help him. He has to do this all on his own. In the meantime, do for you and yours. Do things that make you happy even if you don't feel like it. Eat well, stay hydrated, exercise, whatever you need to do to relieve the stress. Visit family, get back in touch with friends, find things at school that interest you. You will hear that a lot on this board but it is real and very important as you move along on this journey.
Hang in there honey...we are here for you if you need us. If you want to talk privately, click on my name and you can send me a personal message with your info.
