well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

haven't have time to post on my thread, lots happened, will just condensed it.
2 nights ago the floor gave under my feet as H asked for a D and told me he never stopped having feelings for ow and wanted to pursue an R with her and that we should separate. We had a talk, about her and her kind, about D and separating...I told him all i knew about A relationships, the guilt, the "I owe her" attitude and how a string-less responsibility free carefree R with her was just temporary. He left to his moms, I was still processing what happened and 1.5h later he calls and tells me that I was right, that as he drove away he realized it was guilt that was pushing to her, that he did have feelings for me and that an R with her would just be throwing his life away, that what I'd said about guilt was so accurate it was scary, that he felt responsible for her after all his lies.

He came home and admitted that every time he went/talk to her was because he felt bad, that he felt like a coward, not wanting to hurt anyone (i told her he was already hurting me) and wondered what the hell was wrong with him, why would he do such a thing. Apologized for what he said earlier and regretted not talking w/someone else first and just shooting his mouth off and acting on a whim. Last night I asked some quiet questions, he answered them, telling me that his feelings for her did diminish when it was over the first time (unlike what he said the day before, hence, I learned not to get hanged up on everything he says while stressed/having an emotional breakdown.)

Mentioned how ow had a mountain of problems and that eventually, if her ever had an R with her she would show her real self, once she'd get him in her grasp, she is really desperate and also in a pinch about her place which she bought and can't afford. He admitted to calling her last week for Christmas and felt bad he ruined the holidays for her and wanted to be "nice" by talking to her. I told him that he was just leading her on and making it hard for her to move on.
He admits he wanted to please everyone and stop making people suffer, but that realizes that that is just not possible, that ow will have to move along and solve her own crisis. He said our problems were mostly communication wise and that he hoped/wanted to solve them.

I asked him what kind of hold ow had on him that he kept going back to her. He told me he rather talk to the C about that, that there was stuff that perhaps he rather not have me know so that it wouldnt' come up in the future while we worked on our R, to not think the worse but that he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. He did mention that she knew he cared for her still and that he knew his hang ups about childhood and his dad. Guess I'll have to leave it at that, it is prob for the best.

We are going to MC today, I feel he's gotten some sense again and realizes ow is just a quick fix. Still drives around a lot alone, tells me he is in big emotional pain and hurting. I pray his new T (he went yesterday) is better than the other one, but most of all that he stops hiding his real issues from the T and from himself.