Translation: It would totally turn me on if you had your cake and ate it too and shared plenty of cake with me. But I'm not about to encourage that sort of thing, mind you. I'd miss you terribly if you wandered off for good.
You're a trip Eddie. Is this his fantasy or yours? I'm not sure he would actually go that far, although he did joke at one time it would be hot to see me make out with a woman. lol. Not my thing though. Another man? Maybe total fantasy, because you are right, he wouldn't risk me leaving. And I have a bad habit of falling in love with people I f@ck It would never work. But I can enjoy the fantasy though.
How about you? Have you ever said anything to your W like that?
Eddie's already written about this being his fantasy so I definitely suspect that colors what he "hears" from your H. Eddie still might be right too.
However I also thought your H's answer sounded honest and sincere. Nothing like feeling you really might lose your spouse to make you sit up and take notice of them.
All-in-all you and your H just seem like good but flawed people just like most of us:) I hope you can keep looking at him with the same positive feeling even if he does stumble now and again!
I held back from posting the below quote to you over the past few weeks because I thought it would just be "piling on." I hope you really will consider your kids and their feelings too. It still breaks my heart to hear Raven's S5 tell me that he misses having Mommy and Daddy live together. S5's mom talks about how much she misses the kids when she doesn't have them but I'm not sure it really occurs to her that the kids are in a position of ALWAYS missing a parent. And for all her insistence that she had to leave Raven and be with OM to be happy, she doesn't appear to be all that happy to me and her family says she is still the same old person. Anyway, whether you've gotten your complete answer or not, I think your H and you have still proven that your relationship does have enough passion, you both just need to make sure it's fueled correctly!!
Quote:
Most children rely on their parents when they are scared or lonely. And that is as it should be. When a divorce happens, there are times they can't rely on "the parent" because "the parent" can't go with them to the other parent's home. Siblings rely on each other at these times. In her book Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce, Elizabeth Marquardt says children of divorce have reported they are always saying good-bye to a parent. In order to say "hello" to one parent, you have to say "good-bye" to the other parent. Do you want your children having to face this alone?
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Boy, I had every intention of getting my azz to my cycling class this morning but I guess that wasn't going to happen. So instead I'm sitting here eating the leftover chocolate rum balls my mom made for xmas. It's much more satisfying. Oh, and remember those long-johns H bought me for xmas? They were returned and I picked up something much sexier. I need to be able to tell him when we are making a mis-step. H is doing his part now I need to do mine. He was glad I returned them. He liked what I picked out much better. Men....
That quote is so true. I don't want my kids to go through that. I can't do that to them. Why should they suffer for my f-ups? H is at least right there. But it's also important for a person to find happiness in their R/M. I truly believe that also. If it can't happen, what do you do? I don't know the answer and I don't plan on finding out.
I meant to post - to cheer you on - a day or so ago, but I kept trying to get to the end of the thread - and it kept GROWING!
You all are some analytical mf'ers, you know that?! Anyhow, some really good advice, sent with the best of intentions and I'm truly really happy for you, LFL!! I see an awesome 2008 ahead for you and the Mr.
Eddie's already written about this being his fantasy so I definitely suspect that colors what he "hears" from your H. Eddie still might be right too.
Maybe it takes one to know one. Or maybe I'm just full of it. You'll have to figure that out for yourself.
On another note, Mr. LFL's words seemed to me to have a lot of sugar-coating and not a whole lot of concrete information. He's still not quite out of his shell, and I would not be the least bit surprised to find him fully back in his shell in a few weeks. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just keep your eyes open and do what you can to encourage more radical honesty on both sides.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
