The New Adventures of Supermom...Part 3

[JennyF]

Well it's Jan 4th and right on schedule H and I are going to speak about scheduling, custody, etc.

This morning when he picked up D he asked if he could keep her overnight tonight at his Mom's. I said yes. Then he asked if he could take her Sunday and keep her overnight and take her to school on Monday morning. To this I replied, "I don't think that's a good idea. I think it is very important for consistency sake that she is in her own bed Mon to Fri". H does not agree. He thinks it is more important that she spend time with HIM.

So this led to an argument and him telling me that she would have to get used to this anyway, because he wants 60/40 custody which would mean every other weekend and 2 overnights during the week. I have spoken to a few people who agree that kids should not be split up during the week. Coming from D'd parent's I totally see the importance in this and I believe in it deeply.
How do I deal with this when H doesn't agree? He is getting advice from his twice divorced OW with 3 kids (2 from her first marriage and 1 from her second). She's probably telling him these arrangements work out perfectly fine for the kids.

Not only that, but why should I lose my kids 40% of the time when he is making these choices, not me??
He does not see how there are consequences to his choices. He thinks I am inflicting these consequences on him to make him pay for what he's done.
We argued on the phone about it and it got so heated he ended the call because he said it was going no where.

Then about 15 minutes he called back and his tone had changed significantly. He was calm and nice and said that tomorrow when he brings D home and she goes down for her nap we'll discuss it then...along with other things we need to talk about it.

I told him that he needs to understand that I have not done this before and he needs to be patient as I try to determine what is best for me. He said we have to do what is best for the kids. I said that I agree and they are the first priority...that goes without saying. The problem is that he believes that doing what is right for the kids is ensuring they get max time with him. I believe consistency is more important, especially with a 3 yr old and a newborn.
Anyway, I then said to him, "Listen, I get that the marriage is over. I get it. But you have to understand that I don't want this. This is YOUR choice. You need to understand that choice comes with consequences...why should I have to suffer these drastic consequences when all of the control over the situation has been taken away from me". He actually listened to that...although I'm not sure how he really felt.

Any opinions here would be helpful. Tomorrow I'm going to have to try to validate what he is saying, but ensure that I look out for myself and what I believe. This is such a fine line.

It is obvious that I am going to have to go down this divorce route )with the hope in my heart that he will come to his senses at some point). But he is pushing things fast and I'm going to have to go there unfortunately.
I hate this crap. It is so unfair. The thing is, it would be a totally different story if he had put some effort into our R and it hadn't worked out. Then it would feel more mutual. Instead he walked away with NO chance of trying at all....this is ALL on his shoulders, why is he making me the bad guy??
Have I mentioned I hate this crap??
J~