at times I am at total peace with myself and actually have thoughts of things I want to do and they don't include H at all.
have tons of ideas running through my head lately of things to do in the house and projects I want to start and I want to paint again and need to find time and all my stuff that is packed away.
first I need to de-clutter my house and I believe I will be able to focus better.
stupid things keep getting lost like the bluetooth earpeace for the cell phone. I loaned it to s and now it is missing and I know I had it in my hand and took it from his car.... can't remember where I put it.
stuff like this keeps me spinning at times... that and I got locked out of my online bank acct and have no idea why..oh yeh... I changed the password when my book with all the passwords disappeared out of my desk... large brain malfunctions at times...!
I have gone almost 2 wks with out emailing H anything. have not seen or spoke to him in a week and sent only the happy new yr txt msg on new yrs.
he making no effort at all to be in contact with me again. so I feel a huge hardening area in my heart. I do not want to block him out but it is happening. I thought about it last night I have nothing I even want to say to him anymore.
this sort of scares me for am I giving up?
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
