New guy, hurting and needing direction

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

Believe me when I say we all have been there and are so sorry you have to go through this. Please, please, please read some of the other posts - from their beginnings to see how all of us have evolved.

Unfortunately this will take time and you need first to learn PATIENCE. Your M did not fall apart overnight and it will take MONTHS to get it on the right track.

I agree with M Mc C - she should be the one to go not you. It may be hard for you to get back into the home at a later date.

I would think twice about telling your friends/family - I told to many people and this almost prevented my H from coming back. They use this as a reason to not come back - it adds to their guilt and shame.

Share with a trusted friend of YOURS.

You may want to tell the OM's W - but I would wait.

Your wife and OM are like teenagers right now and the more you try to keep them apart the more they HAVE to be together. You cannot control them - you can only control you, your emotions and your reactions. You can set boundaries with the W asking her not to talk/text/email OM when you are around or around your kids...but she may not even respect this.

I did everything wrong at first - crying begging pleading and this just pushed H further away. We too had been married over 15 yrs together 18 - two kids, we were best friends -telling your W this will not help --the problem is none of that matters to her right now she is in her fantasy lala land. She has to want to come back to YOU and that is where taking care of you and making yourself more attractive comes into play.

Don't worry about the next level - my H threatened D for well over a year and now we are finally on the road to healing - this took well over 18 mos - so you really need to just breathe and slow down....

You have come to a great place - there are so many awesome people out here. I suggest just reading from the beginning of each of our situations...learn from others mistakes...

Take care of YOU!

HB